First time, last time

By tuggernuts - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy
Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML
I agree, your life sucks 14 588
You deserved it 44 754
Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…
Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

chocolatepandas 2

So that's why Justin Bieber's voice is so high...just kidding he doesn't have a penis.

Comments

theslimshadylp 6

Time for a girlfriend?

14 47
capper44 18

Is it even possible to suck your ******** out lol :/

25 4
SkoomaKi 27

Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone has their ups and downs. Look on the bright side you have a bigger sex nose and a slightly larger left ball. Every set of balls need a dominant one, why do you think one hangs lower than the other?

75 6
BunchieRules 31

I agree, but I can only imagine the pain OP must be going through... it could be worse than the swiftest roundhouse kick sent straight from Chuck Norris himself.

20 4
rattusrattus 18

... 'Sex nose'? Is that what they're calling it these days?

26 2
SkoomaKi 27

It was a reference to an earlier FML. ("ever seen an elephant with white ears?")

47 2
SqueakyChipmunk 21

Do your balls hang low? Do they wobble to and fro?

30 2
SkoomaKi 27

My balls do hang low. They move side to side. With such pride.

23 3
Fuchsfusse 4

And my balls are always bouncing, To the left and to the right. It's my belief that my big balls should be held every night.

18 4
SkoomaKi 27

Better than my one xD let me try again: My sack is always there, To protect my balls which could be bare. Even though it is quite unsightly I can sleep knowing they're there packed tightly.

24 2
mercsl65 7

you should really be more comfortable with the size of your member. its the motion of the boat not the size of the blood vessels popped.

42 3
Myo_fml 20

If that's the case, smaller is better then because supposedly the g spot is located right inside only a couple inches.

5 15
christian2234 15

It actually doesn't at all... In a study women actually prefer width over length so "size" in terms of length does not matter

16 0
downtime 12

...Size matters to those who care about it. Why does it have to be so black and white? It's probably more important for his confidence than anything else. He may be above average in size but lacking in the confidence which the extra lift gives him. Not saying this is a good thing, he needs to learn to be comfortable in himself.

5 1
donnatheasian 12

Mm can anyone tell me what a penis pump is?..

8 34
BunchieRules 31

It's a pump... for your penis. I won't go into too much detail, but if you like, I'll call up my friend Google who's an expert in penis pumps.

32 1
DomDomxoxo 16

Imagine what a pump does to a ball... Same as with a penis...

4 8
RedPillSucks 31

A device that's advertised as enlargening the penis. Usually by stretching it in some vacuum.

16 2
ShyAnn29 14

I thought they were for guys with erectile dysfunction.

23 1
kewlkate 9

If you read the comments to 9's post, one of them goes into some pretty vivid detail on what it does.

1 0
ShyAnn29 14

Well not everyone knows everything, I know it can help give a guy an erection

4 1
SqueakyChipmunk 21

It like a fist pump, but more disturbing.

4 1
speshlk37 13

That kind of thing ain't my bag, baby.

34 1
unknown_user5566 26

Shagadellic, baby! ;)

15 3
Ceejay1 13

That sucks ,im glad I don't got that problem .

3 21
kaylib7162 6

It does not mean that he has a problem with his **** size dude. He and his girl may have just been trying to spice up their sex life. There are other reasons for using one. People like you that assume that he has a small penis piss me the **** off. NEVER ASSUME brother man

5 0