Love, Food and Awkward: Feed me

Feed me

By Anonymous - 16/04/2011 08:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 633

You deserved it 33 478

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By hopeless - 14/02/2015 20:04 - Canada - Halifax

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 740

You deserved it 2 882

By boringhusband - 08/05/2016 14:29 - United States - Salisbury

Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 713

You deserved it 1 508

What do you want from me?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 22:00

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 116

Get on with it!

By Anonymous - 31/05/2023 00:02

Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 176

Healthy lifestyle goals

By Anonymous - 06/04/2023 10:00

Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 173

Magpie eyes

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 16:30

Today, I spent an hour making my favorite work lunches, then portioning them out so I could have them all week. I later came home to a pile of empty containers. My girlfriend said, "Sorry, I got the munchies. Also, can you please do the dishes?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 144

By BaconLover - 28/10/2013 04:58 - Japan

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 608

You deserved it 45 494

By Username - 23/12/2010 10:50

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 978

You deserved it 4 789

No chance

By Anonymous - 21/02/2020 14:00

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 903

Foreplay

By Anonymous - 18/12/2022 09:00

Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197

You deserved it 153

ripgeorgecarl1n 7

Sunday 3 April 2011 22:24

Whacking?

brocept 0

Sunday 3 April 2011 23:03

would u rather her say jacking off?

Comments

kellyogaz1 0

Monday 4 April 2011 6:42

This isn't really an FML, well not unless she was right.

Danielt104 6

Monday 4 April 2011 7:09

Uh..what? I don't get it..How does this shit get through, yet stories of me getting owned horrifically, gets ignored? **** this site.

TheShard1994 5

Monday 4 April 2011 7:44

Today, my FML story got rejected and another one didn't. FML Try to post that :)

boobyhill 0

Monday 4 April 2011 7:21

well you didn't have to be mr. grumpy and say "WHAT IM ALWAYS DOING." Maybe she wanted to talk to you?

crackberryxo 3

Monday 4 April 2011 7:49

Lmao! Was she right?

Saluton 18

Monday 4 April 2011 8:25

don't screw with her brains

jess6blondie9 2

Monday 4 April 2011 8:40

Don't worry OP, that sounds like me too:)

staceysgenesis16 0

Monday 4 April 2011 9:56

LOL thats sad.. but its ur fault aha

ParaCabXD 0

Monday 4 April 2011 18:01

at least she loves for who he is

moderatersdick 0

Monday 4 April 2011 18:48

fat ass

Persephone1001 3

Monday 4 April 2011 21:50

YDI for giving such an obscure response!

Keywords

Public freakouts Education Parents Mother in law Love Argument AITA Miscellaneous Insects Fear Cats Skincare Health Jealousy Coworkers Work Gross Drugs Dogs Animals Fire Awkward Scams Transportation Cars Money Bikes Scary Neighbours Sex

The Top

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 495

You deserved it 945

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. It all was going fine until my mom asked aloud, "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied, "No." I'd actually been painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 440

You deserved it 4 299

The Top

Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours next to my snoring boyfriend. Every time I nudge him to shut him up, his body tenses, he farts, then goes straight back to snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 885

You deserved it 483

Today, I picked up my Gardasil 9 HPV update shot that my doctor prescribed, only to discover that not only do I need three of them, they are $200 apiece. The guy I was dating who was the reason I needed the booster broke up with me on Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 105

You deserved it 288

Today, one of my housemates licked or bit all 12 of the cupcakes I'd bought to give to a friend as a "Thank you" gift. No one will own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 008

You deserved it 308

Today, I finally got my yearbook for senior year in high school. I started what everyone does, which is count how many times I appear in the yearbook. I stopped when I found a prominent photo of me, picking my nose in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 686

You deserved it 50 464

Today, my 3 year old kid wanted to do something nice. I told him he could pick up some of his toys. He washed my new Iphone instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 949

You deserved it 7 527

Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 932

You deserved it 5 224