Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Eyebleach

Eyebleach

By Nomoretexting - 01/11/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I received a 4-page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight, in full detail. I'm one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 474

You deserved it 2 595

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Fight your own battles

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 07:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 716

You deserved it 4 785

By Anonymous - 05/08/2013 05:33 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 041

You deserved it 9 011

By isystuff - 01/02/2011 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and left me crying in the street. I then got a text from my mom saying how pathetic my love life was. Apparently, it was a mass text message and she accidentally added me to the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 331

You deserved it 3 228

By wildthing - 01/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 596

You deserved it 7 221

HOW COULD YOU?

By mylifesuckssss - 09/10/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I received a 7-page text message during school from my mom yelling at me because I ate her cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 946

You deserved it 5 937

Easy mistake to make

By Becca Velveeta - 26/10/2019 14:00

Today, my mother's boyfriend sent me pictures of my mom sucking him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 234

You deserved it 198

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 04:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 225

You deserved it 5 013

By lisahb - 19/06/2012 22:16 - United States - Detroit

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 472

You deserved it 3 313

By ... - 18/02/2018 01:30

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 383

You deserved it 5 594

Unwanted guest

By MMM - 21/01/2014 23:26 - United States - Saco

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 560

You deserved it 11 456

andrewms 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 12:12

you know you liked it

picturetaker 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 12:23

hahahaha FYL. I always double check who I'm sending my dirty texts too. that would have been a bit awkward.

Comments

andrewms 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 12:12

you know you liked it

Austinsnyder601 1

Monday 2 November 2009 9:27

YDI for having your mom on your cell phone Also just do "Nah I'ma just stick it in"

holeinchest 0

Monday 21 June 2010 4:53

I LIKE POTATOES!!!

ifmlftw 0

Sunday 20 March 2011 5:29

u should have said "that sounds good. time and place." lmao

chocolatewhite 0

Sunday 5 June 2011 6:34

cool story bro

picturetaker 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 12:23

hahahaha FYL. I always double check who I'm sending my dirty texts too. that would have been a bit awkward.

PainInTheAsss 16

Saturday 2 July 2016 14:10

A bit?

XtommyschickX 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 12:29

haha wow imagine how embaressed she'll be

DynamicDave 11

Sunday 1 November 2009 12:34

MILF!

perdix 29

Sunday 1 November 2009 13:17

Tell her you're going to do the same stuff to Dad.

unomo 0

Saturday 17 July 2010 22:44

lol!!!

goldenone 2

Thursday 29 July 2010 9:28

ha. I love you perdix

Sindy_fml 4

Sunday 1 November 2009 13:24

LOL awkwardness!!! fyl ><

teriwhale 4

Sunday 1 November 2009 13:34

: ( that's so awkward

perdix 29

Sunday 1 November 2009 13:35

She's going to know what you are doing just under her boyfriend. Contact list, my ass!

carolina776 1

Sunday 1 November 2009 14:40

oh. yum.

Wlollpop 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 15:22

fail

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Fight Family Kids Love Relatable Students Work Animals Birds Sleep Noise Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Intimacy Sex Revenge Food Cats

The Top

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert." Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 153

You deserved it 68 067

Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 682

You deserved it 11 188

The Top

Today, I just drank a sip of beer and felt something so I spit it out... It was an earwig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 542

You deserved it 424

Today, I was riding the subway, reading a book, when a woman suddenly shoved a flyer over my book. Aghast by her rude gesture, I declined to take the paper. I looked over and noticed it was a flyer for a missing girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 587

You deserved it 13 457

Today, I saw a cute guy at the coffee shop reading a book. Wanting to be friendly, I smiled as I approached and asked what he was reading. He returned the smile and said, "Minding your damn business, by Fuck Off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 454

You deserved it 3 503

Today, I walked out of my platonic coworker's office, after he got my lunch order wrong. My exit line? “Get your creamy pork sausage out of my taco.” The entire bullpen started hooting and hollering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 225

Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 051

You deserved it 2 085

Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 929

You deserved it 2 456