Relationships and Miscellaneous: Crack wars

Crack wars

By Grimmy - 17/03/2016 08:12 - United States - Brunswick

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 841

You deserved it 9 883

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Same thing different taste

Hot air

By SuperSleuth - 07/10/2021 11:01 - United States - Miami

Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 310

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 903

You deserved it 6 510

By Susan - 28/02/2012 11:55 - Canada

Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 948

You deserved it 6 829

By Anonymous - 10/06/2013 01:52 - United States

Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 689

You deserved it 7 899

By GasAttack - 07/09/2009 13:32 - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 454

You deserved it 8 529

Clenched

By Lovergirl - 01/01/2010 20:23 - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 786

You deserved it 3 939

Daddy's in the shit again

By habbsrule - 15/06/2012 14:21 - Canada

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 504

You deserved it 30 111

Gas wars

By Ali - 04/10/2020 23:02

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 365

By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 297

You deserved it 5 061

By Anonymous - 01/03/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 724

You deserved it 10 923

SoulEaterSE 23

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:46

#fingersinthebootyassbitch

dudeutookhrs 24

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:47

So who learned the lesson here?

Comments

ananicosia 28

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:44

At least he gets the message, no more fingers in butts for anyone

zeffra13 31

Thursday 17 March 2016 21:19

I doubt he got the message. I bet he's more like my ex & thinks he's the only one who can get away with things.

Ms_ValS 27

Friday 18 March 2016 5:28

I'd just shut the gates till he gets it OP.

kitkatjoy_96 28

Friday 18 March 2016 6:23

Except for Kanye ≧∇≦

kitkatmiaow 21

Friday 1 April 2016 0:12

Issues???

CFB_FRS 27

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:44

You deserved that..

YouDeservedIt69 8

Saturday 19 March 2016 4:05

Yeah

pinkiepink 15

Sunday 20 March 2016 5:36

excuse me? OP clearly made it obvious that she didn't want to be touched that way. OP didn't deserve anything. ?

Cadillac_kid_15 27

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:45

Eww

SoulEaterSE 23

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:46

#fingersinthebootyassbitch

Liamj774 36

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:46

Well maybe you need to fartify your ass crack

PePziNL 20

Friday 18 March 2016 1:56

I gave you a thumbsup only for the word fartify.

sallycinnamon 21

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:46

Holy shit

The_ghetto_mango 25

Monday 21 March 2016 21:55

Is that supposed to be a pun? If it was, it was terrible.

SwagGod420 2

Sunday 11 September 2016 2:46

unless he was jesus holy half that comment is correct

dudeutookhrs 24

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:47

So who learned the lesson here?

Bigdog107 11

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:47

is your husband's name kanye by any chance?

Apparentlyacunt 18

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:48

If he still hasn't got the message at least you know a different tact to try in the future.

kayh666 14

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:52

glad it's not just my household that does this ??

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The Top

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line told me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I had a headache, my legs were stiff, and my date must've thought I stood her up. The tech finally arrived, pries the door open, then rudely asked, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 451

You deserved it 3 567

Today, I was crying after a bad day at work. As I walked down the street, a young boy in a minivan tried to get my attention. He kept saying, "Hi, hi, please wave!" in a sad voice. When I politely waved at him, I saw a group of kids in the van giggling hysterically and taking pictures of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 286

You deserved it 285

The Top

Today, I invented a new fusion cuisine delicacy: cigarette-flavored apple sauce. The recipe? Cram so many apple pieces in a pot that they will burn on the bottom, even with plenty of water in it, then go away for 30 minutes and wonder what the bad smell is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 2 224

Today, I confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have. He whispered to himself, "Why do the fat chicks always want me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 450

You deserved it 8 857

Today, it's only been two months since my daughter has owned her home and now she wants to move back to my house because she lost her job and can’t afford the mortgage, plus she got pregnant off a one-night stand and needs my help with the baby. Bang goes my plans for a quiet retirement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 112

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 186

You deserved it 46 848

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 972

You deserved it 7 505

Today, I found an eviction notice at the apartment my boyfriend and I share. I always give him my share of the rent, and he pays it. Or so I thought. He’s been using our rent money to shower his side chick with gifts and expensive dinners. The worst part? The girl is my 18 year-old sister. He’s 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 116

Crack wars

Same thing different taste

Hot air

The language of love

Clenched

Daddy's in the shit again

Gas wars

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