Gross and Kids: 5-star meal - FML

5-star meal

By storyofmylife - 15/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 634

You deserved it 10 783

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Same thing different taste

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 744

You deserved it 6 889

By JustLeaveThem - 25/01/2017 18:00

Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 727

You deserved it 289

By lizzard0416 - 30/11/2012 03:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 964

You deserved it 9 982

Masterchef 2020

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 18:58 - United States - Maryville

Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 61

By Anonymous - 07/02/2014 18:51 - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 276

You deserved it 3 661

By Anonymous - 27/02/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 594

You deserved it 3 172

By whattabrat - 26/02/2012 05:16 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 071

You deserved it 3 296

By laxie - 27/10/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 198

You deserved it 3 907

Cocobananas

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 02:01

Today, I found a banana peel on the clean floor. My 4-year-old son said that he was playing Spider-Man and trying to slip. I picked it up and while walking to the kitchen garbage can, slipped on the actual banana. I slid across the kitchen floor, fell, and bruised my tailbone. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 138

Catch!

By babybreath - 03/06/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 098

You deserved it 10 190

Next

Top comments

Tomfish3000 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 12:05

That is absolutely disgusting. Eugh, I feel for you.

ninjaxprincess89 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 14:33

and i wouldve gotten arrested cuz that baby wouldve been slapped

Comments

mpwga 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 1:43

lol #8. i would cry my eyes out if that happened to me.

ughfthis 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:01

your life is so ******.

greedy_dead_soul 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:24

haha lmfao

epic_failure_lol 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:31

what a cute kid, aww

CassandraIsIndie 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 1:39

LOL :D Sorry D:

Badgerspin 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 23:08

More protein than an 8oz steak.

scorpiogirl666 0

Friday 20 March 2009 0:42

Um.Little toddler. Huh. YOU LET A TODDLER FEED YOU. Of course you were gonna have a cricket or something put in your mouth.

BigNasty1 0

Friday 20 March 2009 2:04

mmmmm...protein

LindseyKiwi 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 1:48

At least it was dead!

Vehicle 1

Wednesday 1 April 2009 0:40

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! :X

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Keywords

Video games Gamers Annoying Money Birthday Cute Kids Health Love Weird Awkward Relatable Abuse Social Media Scams Parents School Education Anger issues Teenagers Family Miscellaneous Relationship advice Capitalism Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Music Geek Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, after getting ghosted by a company for a job I really wanted, I posted on LinkedIn, venting my frustration with companies not having the decency to send rejection letters. My current boss, who didn't know I was job hunting, saw it, and let me know I'm now on the shit list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 918

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 796

You deserved it 16 309

The Top

Today, I'm babysitting two 6 year old kids. One of them won't stop screaming, and the other kid found his mom's vibrator and won't stop playing spaceship with it. The parents will be home in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 493

You deserved it 5 484

Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 486

You deserved it 3 201

Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 873

You deserved it 2 896

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 547

You deserved it 3 846

Today, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a yeast infection. It’s been 3 hours since I’ve been home and my husband won’t stop referring to me as "cheddar puss". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 344

You deserved it 455

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 117

You deserved it 32 216