Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML
Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, I was woken up by my cat, who normally doesn't bother me in the morning, meowing desperately and trying to get me to wake up. Fearing that something was very wrong, I jumped out of bed. He gestured for me to follow him, so I did. I followed him all the way to the kitchen, where he proceeded to puke. FML
Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML
Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML
Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML
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Top comments
zinnath 9
That would of been a funny YouTube cat video.
xnyletak 17
You should upgrade to a dog.
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Comments (71)
esserskat 12
Omg...
purple_glitter 10
Cat pee smells awful. FYL OP
zinnath 9
That would of been a funny YouTube cat video.
WR4 10
Would of? Really?
CallMeMcFeelii 13
I don't see why you act as if number one's comment is tainted just because of a little mistake like that. Yes, it's not proper grammar but for Christ sake it isn't that bad. People who like to point out every single imperfection piss me off. Number 1, try to remember if "would" is in front, "have" comes next. All in all, not a big deal though.
juststephhere 23
I totally agree! That would be hilarious. And would of, would've, when you say it out loud, it sounds the same. No big deal
dawnimus 21
I'm sorry, but "would of" is a pet peeve of many people - I'm always happy to see it corrected as hopefully the offender will stop doing it :)
ffffffffck 13
#43. Nope. Even though english isn't my first language I cringe everytime I see someone write 'would of'. Sorry but it makes you look dumb. In fact, it's the worst.
TwistedCherub1 15
49, so do pedophilia and podophelia, but one is a common fetish and the other is a horrible, beyond disgusting sickness of the mind. That's why words are different, for clarity.
dreamsneverfall 8
It most definately would not have been funny! I was awoken by the sound of choking coming from my cat and opened my eyes just in time for her to vomit on my face. Cats really suck sometimes.
xnyletak 17
You should upgrade to a dog.
blancoing 14
dogs pee worse than cats xD
a_wiener_d0g 15
#15 Dogs aren't possessed by the devil tho
alycion 38
Have you spent much time around a husky? ;)
kristabelli 19
This ranks up there with all of the best (worst?) FMLs ever. FYL, OP. I'm not sure my cat, if I had one, would be in one piece after that.
TwistedCherub1 15
Dogs pee more than cats (depending on size), but cat pee smells worse.
DumbAndYoung 30
None of my cats have ever done their business outside of their litter boxes. Our dog, however, has an accident at least once a week on the carpet, despite letting her outside several times a day.
Sputnikspak 13
My dog has never peed anywhere but outside, and the only time he pooped in the house, he was sick. Dogs don't spite pee. My cat would get mad about something and pee on the carpet. And cat pee is rank.
touch_phobia 13
Come on, cats can be great! I have 3 cats and two dogs and they're all great. Anyways cats don't pee outside of their litter boxes- usually if they do, there's a problem. Either he's stressed, territorial, the litter box is full, or he doesn't like the litter. If you take good care of the cat, though, he should never go outside of the box! (with some exceptions of cats, for example some elderly cats might not be able to get there fast enough)
MrsDruidess 23
To OP: there are two reasons for a cat to pee outside of its box if its an indoor cat: #1 the cat is trying to tell you its sick and you have failed to notice the other signs, or #2 you haven't cleaned out its box. Cats are extremely clean animals, they won't make a "mess" unless they have good reason. So take it to the Vet or get off your ass and clean it's box. To everyone else: Dogs are better on so many levels but this is not one of them, dogs poop and pee with reckless abandon! My girl won't go in the house unless dying, while my boy is just a mess maker from day one. however, their pee doesn't induce vomiting and can be washed out. Cat pee is horrible and never goes away. We had to replace the carpet when mine got too old to hold it.
incoherentrmblr 21
#15 & 22: What's worse than both, sloth piss. Pure evil by nature & looks...
ViktoriaaKills 13
#125 you forgot spite peeing. my kitty likes to piss on my boyfriend's clothes when she hasn't seen me for a while.
kittykat1501 31
Hahaha cat vs dog! Always sparks a conversation. I personally like both, but cannot live without a cat for too long or I will start craving a cat's attention
creepyclowntown 10
get a dog.Base on dog stories compared to cat stories your chances of getting a pet from hell much more likely with a cat than a dog.Dogs listen, can be trained, and cats just stink in multiple ways
FuKcMee 32
all wrong kiddo, either pet can be trained failure to do so will result in situations like this regardless
geekbuscus 19
I've never had a bad cat. All of mine and my family's have been incredibly affectionate and mostly well behaved. My husband didn't like cats until he met mine. Now he and the siamese are best friends.
crunchmunchkin 13
As a cat myself, I'd like to say we are perfect. If we pee on you or your stuff, it's your fault. We are rather quiet, we don't bark, someone said we stink (must have never smelled dog) but we don't, all we ask is you pets us, fill our food bowl, and leave us alone when you know we want you to:D
smokecloud_ 37
My dog definately smells worse than my cats. Cats are obsessive groomers while dogs are excessive mess-makers. Either way, both cats and dogs are awesome in their own ways when raised and trained properly :) And OP, keep that litterbox clean!
Sputnikspak 13
My dog has always smelled better than my cat (who was an indoor cat, so he wasn't out rolling in stank). But I have a particularly fastidious border collie. He doesn't like stepping in puddles.
touch_phobia 13
Usually when a pet owner has a problem, it's the owners fault. key word: usually. Cat decided not to use the litter box? You didn't clean it. Or he's stressed, maybe you forgot to feed him this morning. Or maybe you ignored the fact that he doesn't like his new litter. There are some problems that aren't the owners fault though... for example, if the cat decides that your face is his new late-night scratching post.
cmayer 20
My cat definitely knows a few tricks. It's pretty cool. She even has the self awareness to answer me when I ask her if she's hungry. If she is she waits by her bowls and if she's not she just keeps doing what she's doing. She also knows what bedtime, bath time, stay, and brush mean. Bath time just means I'm going take a shower and she'll get up and wait in the bathroom for me. She doesn't like to be alone if I'm home. It's not a cats vs dogs thing people.
yellowaholic 25
Cats can most certainly be trained, usually one that misbehaves just has an owner that doesn't train them or pay attention to their needs. My cat is trained to come when I call his name and he never gets on the kitchen counter tops because he knows he isn't allowed to. I also take him for walks in a cat harness and leash and that takes training because cats need to be trained to walk on a leash, it goes against their nature. Although cats are not for everyone they are not Satan's minions or pure evil.
tompou6 19
I think it would be the time for *cough* snip, snip
blancoing 14
if it is a female cat that won't do much for the problem....
iAlissa 34
What? That's gonna stop the cat from pissing everywhere? Breeding, yes. Pissing? No.
FuKcMee 32
dam you people suck at reading, op specified its a male and snipping stops them from spraying
streetriots 9
Perhaps you can't read. It says peeing ... Not spraying.
Hiimhaileypotter 52
#44- Male cats will only not spray if they are young enough to have never learned how to. Fixing them after they've already started spraying often doesn't stop them, as they already know what to do.
touch_phobia 13
These people don't know what they're talking about. Cats will urinate to mark their territory, or if they feel threatened, and both of these are more likely to happen if the cat is not neutered.
touch_phobia 13
And it isn't just about learning behavior, a lot of it is because he is ready to breed... a lot of breeding behaviors also include urine and neutering will stop or at least make these behaviors less frequent.
JoeyJaws68 18
That stinks.
thestrangedude 10
I'm sure that there is probably a specialist website for this **********/watersports sort of thing. Maybe called Peeing Pets of Passion or scat cat etc
Zimmington 21
You think so StrangeDude? Rule 34 exists for a reason. But it seems to me like you're hoping for a link more than anything...
purple_glitter 10
That's just weird.
XSeraphinX 18
A warm wake up...
chris4u2nv5 19
Well that's just nasty.
purple_glitter 10
(Cleveland voice) oh that's nasty
bfsd42 20
10, change your profile pic please.
chris4u2nv5 19
Just to please you? Not a problem. There its changed. Happy?
iAlissa 34
You seem real classy, 79.
uoeno_fml 20
I'm curious, what was his profile picture before?
MzZombicidal 36
#86, I believe it was an almost naked picture from an odd angle. Frankly, I'm a lot happier with the change. Lol.
Mightytall 35
What did you do? Cats usually don't do stuff like that unless they have a reason. Litterbox not clean? Moved to a new place? Got a new significant other? Trash her favorite toy?
katina1236 20
I agree, I have 3 cats and they've never peed on my bed, ok well maybe once but it wasn't his fault he was sick. But they often pee on my clothes if there on the floor, or in the basket containing said dirty laundry
alycion 38
Cats also tend to pee in places they shouldn't if they have a uti or something else wrong. It's their way of telling us. And when they pee on something, white vinegar gets the smell out. My last cat kept getting utis until his good was changed.
Sputnikspak 13
Some cats are known to 'spite pee' and some are worse than others, but the litter box being clean is a key preventative. General rule with cats? You want 1 litter box per cat, plus 1 extra. Even changing brands of litter can upset a kitty, if the smell is too weird, they'll pee somewhere else. Illness can be a common cause, UTIs and struvite are caused by chronic dehydration. Cats aren't designed to eat dry food only, wild cats get most of their water from meat. So feeding canned food with a little extra water, or raw, can go a LONG way. Also: when your cat isn't dehydrated, their pee doesn't smell like ammonia as badly.
suri23 11
...get another cat. Yeah, my primary cat did this when we got an auxiliary cat.