bumnumber1

Today, I went to the beach with this boy I like. Not thinking it'd be anything more than a simple date, I didn't shave my downstairs. We were sitting on a towel and I laid down. Then he said, "Is there a squirrel in your pants?" FML

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

Help!

Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML