onthatDKstuff

Mr Texas born and bred, 'Merica 32 years-old In a relationship

offbeans 17 February 2009, 02:29 United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

556 comments

sucks at sucking 15 December 2012, 00:27 Bournemouth, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

172 comments