Apelsin

Today, my friend and I were in her mom's car talking about which job was harder: actor or artist. I said, "Art is easy. You just scribble on a piece of paper and call it abstract art." Her mom squinted at me in the rear-view mirror and my friend stopped talking. Then she said, "My mom is an artist." FML

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML