TH0MA5S

Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML