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Chris · 12 June 2024, 16:00 ·United Kingdom

The betrayal of floof

Today, I tried to give my cat a bath after he got into the attic and got covered in all sorts of shit. Halfway through, he freaked out, jumped out of the tub, and ran around the house dripping wet. He then hid under my bed, and I had to practically dismantle it to get him out. Now my bedroom smells like wet fur and broken trust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239 You deserved it 364

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NotYourTracy · This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

One weird technique

Today, while on the bus, I started a conversation with the person next to me. After a little back and forth, she finally said, "Do you think people will stop talking to me if I say I have AIDS?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 714 You deserved it 930

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Anonymous · 12 June 2024, 20:00 ·Chicago, United States

Bee in her bonnet

Today, my wife bumped into my ex-girlfriend from before we met. My wife said that she’s glad she's hotter than her, and we laughed. She has now mentioned this every hour since then, and now insists I list the reasons why she’s hotter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553 You deserved it 114

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Anonymous · 12 June 2024, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Check these out!

Today, I was in a rush so when I got home I went to my bedroom, which is on the ground floor, and just started changing my clothes. It wasn’t until I was done I realised my blinds were open. Basically, I'd flashed my thong and tits to a packed bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234 You deserved it 451

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Anonymous · 13 June 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Updated

Today, I'm desperately trying to complete a project for a client. However, I have to stop every hour to provide the client with an update of the progress. The deadline is in mid July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457 You deserved it 98

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Anonymous · 13 June 2024, 09:00 ·Chicago, United States

Where am I?

Today, I was at a new restaurant when I went to the restroom. When I was done, I sat back down at the table, and idly started listening to my friends chatting. After a few seconds, I realized I'd sat at the wrong table, with complete strangers, who were too polite and/or bemused to say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213 You deserved it 512

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Anonymous · 13 June 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Brain freeze

Today, I work at a hospice center. At 3AM, a call just went out to a man's family to come because he was dying. I didn't realize that this man was my old friend's grandpa. When I saw her, I smiled really big and said, "Hey! Great to see you!" Her grandpa was ACTIVELY DYING. Stupid stupid stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533 You deserved it 192

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LemonTree · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Hungary

Broke boy

Today, I realized that I'd run out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 400 You deserved it 7 188

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Anonymous · 14 June 2024, 06:00 ·United Kingdom

Ouch!

Today, I have such poor joints that I dislocated my hip trying to twist to wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464 You deserved it 88

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mark · 14 June 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Friends for miles

Today, every one of the girls in the friend group I’m in collectively agreed that I'm too soft, innocent, and adorable looking to date or hook up with. However, they expressed that they each want to get with my best friend, and asked me if I can set each of them up with him to hook up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435 You deserved it 122

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what the fuck babe · 14 June 2024, 16:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Not my bucket list

Today, my boyfriend showed me his bucket list. Normal bucket lists are beautiful, full of sweet things like, "See Paris with my wife" or, "Learn to play the piano". His was all childish destructive bullshit like, "Throw dynamite out of a car window" or, "Get my ass eaten out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 421 You deserved it 376

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SingleSara. · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Shit!

Today, I found out my sister has a new boyfriend. That would have been helpful to know three hours ago, before I told her boyfriend, who is also my best friend, that I loved him. His response? "HAHAHA! Good one! Oh Seriously? Shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 478 You deserved it 3 542

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Anonymous · 15 June 2024, 00:00 ·Boston, United States

Toot toot!

Today, I had a massive sneeze while driving. It was so strong that I swerved and accidentally hit the horn, startling the person crossing the street. They dropped their coffee all over themselves and their phone. I ended up giving them cash for a new phone out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346 You deserved it 277

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wtbfiber · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

Give me strength

Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 537 You deserved it 6 469

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Anonymous · 15 June 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Scoville

Today, my boyfriend made dinner. He warned me that it was spicy, but I laughed at him and said that white guys don't know spicy. Five minutes later, I had to beg for milk, with my eyes streaming and nose pouring. Turns out I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 You deserved it 755

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Anonymous · 15 June 2024, 14:00 ·Portland, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Haunting

Today, I received a package addressed to me. Excited, I opened it in front of my whole family. Inside was a box of adult toys that I definitely did not order. Turns out, my friend Mike thought it would be hilarious to send it to me as a joke. My grandma's face will haunt me forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705 You deserved it 193

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Bellevue, United States

What just happened?

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 301 You deserved it 6 179

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K.Trinity · 15 June 2024, 20:00 ·Perth, Australia

Rushed

Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138 You deserved it 474

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Anonymous · 16 June 2024, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Taking the piss

Today, my boss refused to increase my wages to the new minimum wage of £12 an hour. He says the quality of my work isn’t worth £12 and if I wanted a raise, he’d see me in employment tribunal. My boss is my dad, it’s a family business. I do 90% of the work while he sits at the bar drinking for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598 You deserved it 126

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Notyourstepmom · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Hell no

Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 118 You deserved it 4 573

101 comments Share

Diet Time · 16 June 2024, 20:00 ·United States

Everyone can be a 7

Today, I summoned the courage to ask out my best friend of 4 years. I’ve had a crush on him for a while now. He told me, “Thanks but no thanks, you’re a great friend but I don’t find you physically attractive enough to go out with.” This always happens with every guy I try to get with. It sucks to be ugly and fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372 You deserved it 511

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fuzzybee301 · 17 June 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Kinda suspicious

Today, my husband claimed to have gone to a baseball game by himself. My best friend posted a story where she went to that same game. My husband’s hand was in the background. He told me nothing happened between them and they went as just friends. He didn’t tell me because he “thought I’d be mad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 790 You deserved it 133

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Brian · 18 June 2024, 14:00 ·Prospect, United States

FOMO

Today, it's Fathers Day. Both of my adult daughters called me… from their stepfather's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405 You deserved it 174

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Time wasted · 19 June 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Petty quibble

Today, my boyfriend spent forty minutes making pasta sauce when we had a perfectly good jar of pasta sauce in the pantry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 You deserved it 1 043

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sarah · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

PMS FML

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me as I was leaving and said, "Have a nice… week!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 449 You deserved it 5 245

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MyCarHasBluetooth · 19 June 2024, 09:00 ·Doncaster, United Kingdom

Mind your own business

Today, while I was driving, a pedestrian gesticulated wildly at me for being on my phone. I was just tucking my hair behind my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393 You deserved it 80

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Anon · 19 June 2024, 12:00 ·Birmingham, United States

Both ends

Today, I was in a meeting when I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to hold it in to avoid making a noise. Instead, I ended up sneeze-imploding so hard that I accidentally farted at the same time. The entire room went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476 You deserved it 149

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barebackingit · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Kanata, Canada

Flasher

Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 105 You deserved it 12 047

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Anonymous · 19 June 2024, 22:00

Bad parenting

Today, we got back from our second honeymoon and went to pick the kids up from my mom's. Surprisingly, they were both sat quietly watching TV. Half jokingly, I asked my mom what her secret was. Without even a guilty pause she told me, "Benadryl for chesty coughs in their juice. You're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 508 You deserved it 117

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F*ckinghot · 20 June 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Southern states be like

Today, as I have my entire life, I live in the south. However, our AC decided to break and now it's 91 degrees inside the house, even with fans on and the windows open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425 You deserved it 123

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