Single
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to go to the Apple store and log me on to Facebook on every single computer. FML
Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while in the supermarket car park. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed, and "FUCK YOU" was written on my windshield. FML
Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML
Today, my best friend called me a moron for disputing her belief that Canada is in South America. FML
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