jumpergirl

Today, my car was stolen. From my driveway. By the guy who sold it to me. FML

Surprise, MFer!

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML

Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML

Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML