Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were on a romantic dinner for two, I tried pulling out the chair for her. She fell over. FML
Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML
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