Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. FML
Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML
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