cynically

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Cynically's favorite FMLs

The kindness of strangers

By Samprib - 01/06/2013 05:09 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was, "God forbid a maxed-out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

agreeclassic 73 737

vote type 1 21 085

Baby fever

By SkeetinKeaton - 06/05/2013 06:29 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

agreeclassic 71 423

vote type 1 6 569

Poke-baller

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 07:10 - United States - Marion

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

agreeclassic 61 042

vote type 1 70 256

People of Walmart

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

agreeclassic 75 917

vote type 1 4 719

Defeated

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 23:08

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

agreeclassic 39 195

vote type 1 5 461