chocolatealy

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML

Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML