Miss Los Angeles, USA
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML
Today, I was browsing the internet and I found a picture of my girlfriend on uglypeople.com. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML
Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. I pulled a muscle taking my sweater off in the locker room. FML
Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML
Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "Come over and do me." He never responded. FML
Today, my boyfriend was tapping on my thigh to the beat of the music when we were driving to dinner. When I asked him what he was doing he replied, "Just watching the ripples." FML
Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML
Today, at lunch I ordered a Coke. The waiter replied, "Diet Coke?" and I corrected him saying, "No, regular Coke." He shook his head and said again, "Diet Coke." FML
Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with, "Who the hell are you?" FML
Today, after being in the hospital for two days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, I told my mom, "I love you". She responded with, "What? I never told you I loved you." FML
Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested in, and asked him how he feels about it. He responded via text, saying, "I feel fairly neutral about that." FML
Today, my mom asked me if I had an eating problem because I've been eating less. I only started eating less because she told me I ate too much. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
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