The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Vladymyr · 29 May 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Average Slowdive gig

Today, I met in person a girl I’ve been talking to on Facebook Messenger. We went to a concert of a group we both like, then dinner, and had lots of fun. At the end of the night I realized she’s amazing as hell, and I’ve fallen in love. Our compatibility is unmatched. The problem is that I have a girlfriend of 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 You deserved it 1 533

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Nena · 26 December 2025, 03:00

Oh wow, that's rude

Today, I posted a meme on Facebook that said, “Dear Santa, I want a man who’s at least 6ft tall, abs, can plan dates, texts back, has a job and a car.” A friend of mine commented, “Dear Santa, I want a girl under 150lbs, no kids, no emotional baggage, self sufficient and doesn’t bitch 24/7.” His comment got 25 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 You deserved it 769

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Depresso-espresso · 9 November 2024, 03:00 ·United States

Romcom vibes

Today, I visited the best cafe for the fourth time in a week. I’ve tried not to flirt with the same (hot) barista, I even mentioned my partner, but we chat and joke every time, and get on well. After I said bye and left, I heard a hasty, “Love you, bye.” It's maybe a joke, but he’s a total catch, and I don't know if I can go back there now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 You deserved it 524

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NoAttentiontoDetails · 6 June 2026, 00:00 ·Germany

No such thing as a free event

Today, I'd registered for a free work event, but I forgot about it and registered for a free social event on the same day. I thought I would skip the work event, but I need to pay 500 € to skip it! Why can't I remember dates?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 420

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Anonymous · 3 November 2023, 04:00 ·Bristol, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Art installation

Today, I discovered that if you cum down the sink every day for a year, it doesn't just wash away, it makes a gooey, half-cooked semen-baby that your dad has to pull out of the pipe when it gets clogged up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 791

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Anonymous · 29 April 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

The coast is clear

Today, I went to a really hot chick I’ve known for years's house, because she said her soon to be ex-husband had gone on a business trip for work. While I was sitting in the house with a ton of cologne on and a fresh shave, the husband walked in, looked at me, and said, "What’s up?" Guess I'm not getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 643

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Anonymous · 4 July 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Blood, water, all that stuff

Today, despite the fact that he knows I need help, my recently turned 18 year-old son found an apartment and moved out, leaving me alone with my three toddlers. When I asked what I’m supposed to do for childcare, he just said, “Not my kids, not my problem. Ask their dads. Bye.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 2 931

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Anonymous · 23 November 2023, 12:00 ·United States

Hyperfocused

Today, I set out to organize my media files over several old hard drives, but I got so engrossed in creating intricate folders and subfolders that I forgot what I was organizing in the first place. My computer is now a labyrinth of folders titled "Stuff," "Things," and "What is this even?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 564

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Anonymous · 14 August 2026, 03:00 ·United States

Don't drink and Amazon

Today, I found a package outside my door and assumed that I'd drunk-ordered shit on Amazon. I opened it before checking the label, which I should've done because it was addressed to my neighbor, and contained 6 pounds of live crickets for someone's pet lizard. I have never closed a box faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 376

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Freddie · 28 September 2024, 12:00 ·Poole, United Kingdom

Alexa, play "Ancient History" by The Cribs

Today, I was the best man at my longtime friend’s wedding. I got so into talking about our shared memories over the years that I accidentally called his bride by his ex-girlfriend’s name at the end of my toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 589

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I'm dad · 26 May 2026, 12:00 ·San Diego, United States

Like father, like son

Today, after making fun of my dad for years because he falls asleep in front of the TV every night by 9:30, I sat down “just for a minute” after work and woke up at 2 a.m. fully dressed, lights on, with Netflix asking if I was still watching, and a half-eaten wrap stuck to my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 442

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Poop Boy 416 · 6 November 2022, 16:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Explain yourself

Today, I forgot to clean up poop before a home inspection, so the inspector questioned me on why I had dried shit sitting on a table, with flies all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 2 095

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Jonny · 24 November 2023, 10:00

Time to start a band

Today, I attempted a DIY haircut. In the process, I somehow managed to give myself a reverse mohawk. I now look like I'm auditioning for a punk rock band from the 80s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 581

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Anonymous · 22 July 2025, 03:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Concerning

Today, during sex I wasn’t really into it so I was letting my mind wander and it randomly settled on my sister's birthday and how I needed to buy a gift. As my husband seemed like he was about to finish, I faked my orgasm and accidentally moaned my sister's name. He heard me, so now he’s "concerned". FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 549

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Anonymous · 20 May 2024, 09:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Self report

Today, I went on a blind date set up by a friend. Everything was going great until I accidentally called my date by my ex’s name. Twice. My date promptly excused herself to the restroom and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 811

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footinmouth · 14 March 2026, 22:00

Sorry about your dick, bro

Today, my wife and I were with friends when she said that men who like guns all have tiny penises. "Seriously, even smaller than me!" I added, and only realized what I'd said when the laughter started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 490

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Dan · 22 September 2024, 20:00 ·Ann Arbor, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Isn't that, like, a crime?

Today, while swimming in a lake, I was feeling frisky so I dropped my swimsuit and went underwater and masturbated. After I came, I resurfaced and saw two girls giggling. With their goggles they'd seen the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 945

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Anonymous · 12 November 2023, 14:00 🌶️ Spicy

Lifestyle influencer

Today, after I inherited 300 grand last year and blew it all on drugs, I'm now kicking myself in the ass for not blowing it all on drugs AND hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 939

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Mark · 25 November 2025, 12:00

Naughty boy

Today, coming home with my water bottle and venti Starbucks in one hand, and my 4 month-old leashed puppy on my other hand, I entered my condo building as a little girl was holding the door open. As I said thank you, my dog lunged towards her, I pulled him back, and most of my Caramel Brûlée Latte went flying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 511

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Anonymous · 2 March 2026, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Hate the game, not the player

Today, I went on a date with a guy and it went great. I later found out that he came inside another girl, stole her sweatshirt, then left. After that, he proceeded to bang another girl. Both of these girls are in my friend group, and I still went on a date with him after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 510

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Elastic Heart · 15 June 2026, 00:00 ·United States

Cough up

Today, I got my hair done. I wasn’t expecting a bayalage/blowdry/gloss package to cost $350. I only brought $100. I don’t get paid until next Friday, so I asked the salon lady if I could give her the rest then. She refused and said she either gives me a bob cut or calls the cops. I now look like Edna on crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 701

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Anonymous · 26 March 2025, 09:00 ·Newcastle, United Kingdom

There was an attempt…

Today, I tried to flirt with a guy at the gym by commenting on his headphones, saying, “Nice headphones, you must be into music.” He stared at me blankly and said, “I’m not wearing any headphones, these are just my ears.” I swear I heard him laugh as I backed away, defeated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 504

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Anonymous · 3 December 2023, 10:00

Tooth hurty, get it?

Today, acting like a responsible, proactive adult and make a dentist appointment. The receptionist asked if I was available at 2:30. I replied, "Sorry, can we do 2:31? I've got a meeting." She didn't find it as funny as I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 844

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Anonymous · 19 December 2024, 15:00 ·Germany

Drunken truth

Today, after 10+ years of being best friends, I finally told my best friend "I love you" while we were on the phone. To which she said, "That's OK, but…" and continued the conversation. Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much, or waited so long. We're both in happy marriages, with kids with other people now though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 1 054

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Anonymous · 25 December 2025, 22:00

Beep beep

Today, I took my partner’s car to fill with gas because mine was in the shop. Out of habit, I put diesel into the tank. We discovered it three hours later; the tow bill ate my weekly budget, the mechanic sighed through the repair estimate, and I spent the evening on hold with roadside help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 505

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Anonymous · 1 May 2026, 03:00 ·United States

She's right

Today, my son came home upset that his crush is still friendzoning him. While he and I were coming up with a plan to get her to change her mind, my wife burst in and yelled, “She doesn’t fucking like him! Get the fuck over it and leave the poor girl alone!” Way to be supportive, hon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 1 347

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Smokin' drinks · 24 October 2023, 16:00 ·Durbanville, South Africa

Mixology

Today, for the 20th time, I poured wine into my ashtray, while the glass was next to it. I also have the bad habit of tipping my ash into my drink. What the fuck is wrong with me? Maybe I should look at what I'm doing instead of the PC screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 1 327

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Anonymous · 16 August 2025, 20:00 ·Cape Town, South Africa 🌶️ Spicy

Shifty

Today, after six months of online flirting, we finally met. Three coffee dates turned into getting some in the back seat. Long story short, the coffee shop owner showed his boyfriend the videos of us hooking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 429

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Pete · 28 September 2025, 03:00

Doofus

Today, I tried to make popcorn in the microwave but forgot to remove the plastic wrapper. The kitchen filled with smoke, the fire alarm went off and my neighbors came knocking to see if I was alright. When they asked what caused it, I had to admit that it was “Erm… popcorn.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 427

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Anonymous · 31 July 2023, 12:00

Priorities

Today, my parents announced they're getting a divorce. Now I don't know who's going to do my laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 1 876

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