The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Katheryns · 23 September 2026, 22:00 ·United States

Get a flip phone

Today, I sold my old iPhone 14… or at least I tried. I met the customer and she said, “Gee thanks!” and walked away with it. When I asked for the money, she said, “Suck my dick!” and took off running. I'm too out of shape to catch her and phoneless until I can come up with the remaining $200 to pay for my new iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 325

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Anonymous · 19 June 2025, 00:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Flirtatious mood

Today, I sent a guy an up-skirt shot, trying to be cute and flirty. He responded with a series of increasingly more mean emojis, including the laughing eyes, the green nausea face, and finally the poop emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 384

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ToiletPrankster · 15 March 2022, 06:00

Justice served

Today, I thought it would be funny to prank call my job on my day off. I star 69’ed the numbers and prank called my coworkers. However, when I got to my boss, he knew who I was, and threatened to report me to the police. I’d forgotten to star 69. Safe to say, I was fired on my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 3 413

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Anonymous · 13 November 2024, 03:00 ·Houston, United States

Been there, done that

Today, I confidently told a joke at a party, only to completely butcher the punchline. Everyone still laughed… at me instead of the joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 344

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Anonymous · 18 October 2026, 12:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Manly man

Today, I think my new girlfriend has a “man cleaning the house” fetish because when she saw me doing laundry for the first time at her house, she thanked me, then did porno type stuff to me in the living room. She now keeps asking to watch me clean naked, which I don’t find sexy at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 133

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Laurence · 7 November 2024, 09:00 ·Memphis, United States

Incinerate

Today, while cooking dinner, I managed to set my oven mitt on fire. In my panic, I tried to throw it in the sink, but it landed on a stack of t-shirts, which were lying on the counter. Both the mitt and my favorite Sonic Youth t-shirt now have matching burn holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 443

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Beatrice00101 · 22 March 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Let me in

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment, and in a panic, I tried using a credit card to open the door like I'd seen in movies and stuff. Instead of opening the door, I broke my card in half. I then had to call my landlord, who showed up an hour later and said, "Wow, you really tried to break into your own house, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 414

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Anonymous · 19 October 2023, 07:30 ·Germany

Big Brother shopping task IRL

Today, I sent an important email to my entire team, but I accidentally left a shopping list as the subject line. They responded with grocery items they needed. Nobody mentioned the email content. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 695

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Blade83 · 9 August 2024, 12:00 ·Perth, Australia

It's the thought that counts

Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. The problem? My birthday is tomorrow. I spent the entire evening pretending I was surprised and happy, all while knowing they got the date wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 623

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Anonymous · 10 June 2026, 03:00 ·United Kingdom

Eavesdropping is never a good idea

Today, I had a meeting with my daughter's headmistress, which I thought went well, until I was walking to my car past the open staff room window and I heard her say to other teachers, “Jesus, I can see where that brat [my daughter's name] gets her shitty attitude from… and her fat arse.” They all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 362

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Anonymous · 4 April 2021, 17:01

Cheating cheater

Today, one of our local news stations decided it was the perfect day to film random people at the beach. I saw myself on TV, holding hands with my side chick. I hope my girlfriend doesn’t watch the news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 4 145

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Anonymous · 28 January 2023, 00:00

Cheers, Doc

Today, I accidentally swallowed a piece of gum. My doctor says it'll pass in 7-10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 798

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Brown Sandman · 25 December 2021, 16:59

First of all… why?

Today, I learned that there is no way to talk your way out of getting caught drunkenly wiping your ass on your best friend’s sister’s pillow, even if you yell, “SURPRISE!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 1 937

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Anonymous · 16 September 2026, 12:00 ·Wichita, United States

Healthy relationship goals

Today, I learned that my girlfriend of 5 months blocked me and said I was stalking her, and that I was weird. She also let her friends make jokes about my hair, even after all the gifts. I was planning on asking her to homecoming, but now she’s letting some other guy ask her and won’t even tell me who it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 296

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Frankie · 17 October 2025, 00:00

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Today, I unwittingly told the barber, “Do whatever you think looks best.” He got creative. Forty-five minutes later, I walked out with a haircut that made me look like a backup dancer in a 1990s boy band. My girlfriend said, “You're going to have to wear a beanie if you want to walk around with me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 457

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Lewis · 4 December 2018, 00:30 ·Paris, France

Mistakes were made

He told you...

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 315

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Anonymous · 13 October 2025, 00:00

Classic

Today, I threw all my clothes into the washer, including my favorite red hoodie. Apparently, I forgot a Kleenex in one of the pockets. I now own a wardrobe of pink, soggy tissue confetti-covered gunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 345

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YoungBlood · 16 August 2024, 00:00 ·Australia

Age gap

Today, I found out that when my mum had introduced me to her boyfriend, it was right before his birthday, so she'd rounded his age up. For two years I thought he was seven and a half years older than me, when really he's actually six and a half years older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 379

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Anonymous · 13 April 2023, 16:00 ·Taichung, Taiwan

Caught in 404p

Today, I had a job interview at Walmart. They showed a video of me stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 2 043

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Anonymous · 16 February 2024, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

Bit my ass

Today, it's been many years since I criticised my sister for homeschooling her kids instead of sending them to a normal school. Now all three of her kids are at university in science courses. My two sons graduated high school still struggling to read or spell, and don’t have the grades for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 1 013

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EmbarassedAF · 25 August 2026, 03:00 ·United States

The X Files

Today, I found an old USB drive in a drawer and spent the afternoon going through the files, expecting embarrassing photos from school. Instead, I found a spreadsheet I'd made at 16, listing every person I had a crush on, complete with rankings and notes. I'm now terrified someone will find my “Top 10” list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 215

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Bible John · 11 November 2023, 08:00 ·Leeds, United Kingdom

Sounds delicious

Today, in a rush, I attempted to microwave leftover pizza slices. Unbeknownst to me, I accidentally hit the 'defrost' button, turning the pizza into a lukewarm soggy mess. I guess pizza should never be reheated in 'thaw mode'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 362

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Anonymous · 30 July 2024, 14:00

The bestest of best boys

Today, I had to give a presentation. I was feeling confident, until I clicked to the next slide and realized it was a picture of my cat wearing a sombrero, which I'd accidentally included in the slideshow. My boss was not impressed, but my cat is now famous in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 508

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Sorry grandpa (he's okay) · 5 December 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Bad sherpa

Today, while I was at my aunt's house with family, my grandpa needed to use the bathroom, so I guided him to it. There's a short staircase leading to it, and to my horror, he tumbled down it. I forgot he's going blind due to glaucoma and therefore couldn't see the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 514

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Anonymous · 5 December 2022, 22:00 ·University Park, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Served and deserved

Today, my roommate's girlfriend came to visit for a couple of days, and we fucked behind his back. My roommate told me he just tested positive for syphilis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 3 982

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Anonymous · 8 December 2025, 15:00

I hate my life

Today, during a presentation, I gestured too dramatically and launched my pen across the room. It bounced off the projector screen, hit my boss’s coffee cup, and splattered it across the conference table. Everyone froze while I jokingly apologized to the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 278

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Irish goodbyyye · 23 December 2025, 09:00

I just wanna go home

Today, I tried to leave a rowdy Christmas party early. The apartment door creaked loudly, someone asked where I was going, and suddenly I was explaining my schedule to 10 drunk people. I stayed another hour to avoid more drunk people telling me to, "COME ON, STAY, HAVE A DRINK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 317

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Fat blob · 10 September 2026, 22:00 ·Zurich, Switzerland

A tad harsh

Today, an aunt asked me why I'm single. I laughed and said, "I know my value, and I have high standards. Men can't handle that." My cousin burst into laughter and said, "What value? You're 36 and 300 pounds. Your value is zero!" I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 619

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Anonymous · 25 February 2025, 05:59 ·Australia

Do not attempt this at home, or on the road

Today, I was eating whilst driving. I tried to stop sauce from spilling on the console and instead smashed into a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 1 673

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Anonymous · 30 September 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Butterfingers

Today, I was tasked with taking a photo of my best friend getting engaged. As her boyfriend got down on one knee, I got so nervous that I fumbled the camera. It landed right in the lake. I didn’t get a single picture, and now I owe them a new Canon EOS R10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 563

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