The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Anonymous · 14 September 2024, 00:00 ·LaRue, United States

Two speeds

Today, a waitress kept calling me "Mom" and my dad "Dad". My dad (69) and I (38f) hang out a lot, and very often go out to eat, just the two of us. Either I look really old, or people think he's got it going on. Why? They ask me, "Is that your dad or grandpa?" Then ask him, "Is that your wife or daughter?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 113

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Anonymous · 20 September 2023, 20:00 ·Brisbane, Australia

Spending spree

Today, I got a pay bonus and spend it on paying for 12 months of car registration up-front for the first time in my life, filled the tank, and got it professionally washed. After all that, I accidentally reversed into my own house, causing major damage. I have to borrow the money for the insurance excess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 678

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Clumsy · 5 July 2025, 00:00 ·Paris, France

Smooth moves

Today, I went to my usual cafe and ordered a caramel latte. As I handed back my empty cup, I gestured to compliment the barista… and knocked over a perfectly balanced tray of macarons. They scattered across the counter and floor like colorful grenades, and I spent the next 10 minutes on my hands and knees scooping pastry shells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 205

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Anonymous · 13 January 2026, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

I don't want to know

Today, I overheard my parents talking. It went something like “Walk it off, you’ll be fine”, “I will not be fine, it’s leaking”, “Well sit on a towel then”, “A man should not squish when he sits”, “Remember that next time you think about doing it to me.” I dread to think what was leaking out of my dad, or where. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 82

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Anonymous · 3 April 2026, 12:00

Boredom

Today, I'm still unemployed after almost a year because my last job couldn't transfer me when my wife and I had to move due to her job. I can't even find something like grocery store or fast food. Seriously beginning to resent her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 200

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Not Jennifer · 30 September 2024, 09:00 ·Canada

That's not my name

Today, while I was using the bathroom at work, I heard someone come into the stall next to mine and start talking. Thinking they were on the phone, I stayed quiet… but then they said, “I know it’s you, Jennifer.” My name isn't Jennifer. I had to sit there in silence until they left, pretending to be someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 209

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Anonymous · 28 October 2023, 16:00

Not again

Today, I was concerned I hadn’t restarted my periods yet after the birth of our first child. Turns out it’s because I’m pregnant again already. We must have gotten pregnant off the very first egg I released after giving birth. Our first baby is only 3 months old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 761

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Katieeee · 4 November 2023, 22:00 ·Austin, United States

Get it off me!

Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 138

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Kaemeleon · 21 May 2025, 22:00 ·Tai Wai, Hong Kong

Extreme dieting

Today, a day after after I took a diet pill, I participated in a sprint test. I shat in my pants. I finished the test but got a bad grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 214

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Katie · 14 May 2024, 20:00 ·Basehor, United States

Phones are bad for you

Today, I was laying in bed, scrolling through my phone, when my cat swatted my phone out of my hand. It hit me in the face and popped a pimple, which is now bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 184

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RowerBud · 2 July 2021, 08:01 ·Cleveland, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Oddly specific

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 966

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Heather05 · 11 November 2025, 15:00

My smol bean baby

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and politely asked if I could keep my “crying baby” quiet at night. I live alone. I don’t even have a baby. I have a cat. A very dramatic, needy, attention-hungry cat who yelps when I close any door or leave her eyesight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 142

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Anonymous · 2 September 2026, 15:00 ·Rialto, United States

Grudge

Today, it’s like we’re living the dumbest most petty version of Romeo and Juliet ever. My daughter’s boyfriend’s father forced his son to break up with her because the dad and I dated for a year way back in high school. I left him for another guy and apparently he never got over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 111

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Not my dog · 23 July 2026, 20:00 ·Seattle, United States

What is this?

Today, I paid extra for priority shipping because I desperately needed my package before the weekend. It arrived on time. It was the wrong package. I'm now the proud owner of a dog raincoat. As in a raincoat for dogs. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 75

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Anonymous · 26 October 2026, 03:00 ·Bangor, United States

There must be more to this…

Today, my abusive ex-stepfather managed to file a protection order on my sweet mum. Now, both of my younger siblings can no longer see or talk to her, and the police came to our door and took them. If they truly thought she was dangerous, wouldn't they take me too? He even has a real criminal record of abuse, and my mom is clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 53

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Anonymous · 16 August 2025, 09:00 ·Vancouver, Canada

Overly polite in public

Today, I was browsing the frozen section at the store when I saw movement in my peripheral vision. Thinking it was another customer, I said “Oh sorry, go ahead.” No one responded. I turned to see my own reflection in the freezer door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 136

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Anonymous · 3 April 2026, 15:00

Pancake day

Today, I burnt my finger making pancakes for my kid. After hopping around and running the blister under cold water, I went back to finish making the pancakes and burned the same finger right on top of the new blister. An hour later it burst and the flesh is a funny colour underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 124

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Blackout at The Gym · 27 November 2020, 20:08 ·Charlotte, United States

You're a natural

Today, I had a great leg workout at the gym. Instead of doing my cool down exercise at the end, I decided I wanted to do something more adventurous, like box jumps on one of those metal stools at the gym. Well, it turns out my body wasn’t ready for that. Now my shin is busted and swollen. This is my second week training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 1 092

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Anonymous · 8 September 2026, 00:00 ·Vancouver, Canada

WHERE IS IT?

Today, I spent Saturday helping my uncle clean out his garage. He told me to throw away a box of “old useless cables.” I did. Later, he asked where the box was because it contained the only charger for his 20-year-old camera. We spent 3 hours searching the recycling bins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 68

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Anonymous · 8 February 2023, 06:00

Out of the frying pan…

Today, I took a day off to read a book, but ended up with a headache from staring at a screen all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 662

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Anonymous · 28 August 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Hair care

Today, after spending a week detangling my hair (It took a week because my hands have nerve issues) because it felt like my scalp was glued to my scalp from not being taken care of, I cut it all off. My hair got tangled in the device twice and eventually revealed a burn on my scalp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 112

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Anonymous · 10 April 2024, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

Short-lived

Today, I found out I’m pregnant and got excited. We’d never discussed kids before since we’ve only been dating a year, but I was so happy… until I told him, and his face just fell. I left after he drank himself unconscious and I’m now at my mum's house FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 692

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Ubehage · 6 January 2023, 03:00 ·Denmark

Don't harsh our buzz, filthy human

Today, I bought a huge 1kg bag of catnip and told the delivery driver to just leave the package inside the door. They then left me a soft plastic bag full of catnip. Guess who came home to two stoned cats and a messed up house… FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 1 128

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Anonymous · 29 October 2026, 00:00 ·Birmingham, United States

Can't win

Today, I paid for NASCAR tickets for my husband, because it was something on his bucket list. I wanted to do something nice for him. Every time I tell him something he does that bothers me though, his comeback is, "Sorry I’m not perfect, maybe I should just kill myself and you can have all the money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 92

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Anonymous · 24 October 2022, 18:00

Spice up your sound

Today, I was at lunch in a Mexican place and my earbud started to slip from my ear. No big deal, I moved my hand to catch it. Catch it in the open tortilla I just spread guacamole and sour cream on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 750

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Anonymous · 18 February 2026, 15:00

What did she do now?

Today, I found out that my husband, who I've just separated from, and my mother, who I don't speak to because she's crazy, have been bitching about me behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 131

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Anonymous · 12 July 2024, 14:00 ·United Kingdom

Boob inspector

Today, my husband's latest attempt to torture me was to point out that in every animated kids film like Encanto, Moana, and so on, that somewhere behind Disney's walls is an animator who has to animate the characters boobs and how they bounce when the characters walk. I can’t unsee it; so many films. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 222

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Anonymous · 17 January 2025, 20:00 ·Canada

When you gotta go…

Today, I was walking my big, fat, fluffy old dog when I saw my crush. I waved enthusiastically, but my dog chose that moment to squat down and unleash a string of poop. My crush looked horrified as I tried to scoop it up while still waving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 176

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Zxry123 · 25 January 2023, 20:30 ·Singapore, Singapore

Cashflow not flowing

Today, I went to eat at a restaurant in Singapore with a friend of mine. I checked my wallet and I had a bit of cash, so I went in to have a large dinner. The most awkward moment that I had was when I took out my money and realized that it wasn't Singapore dollars. It was all in Malaysian ringgits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 875

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Anonymous · 5 February 2026, 12:00

Best prepared

Today, I called in a refill for a vital medication that I've been on since a couple of decades ago. No big deal since I called a week in advance. I then received a notification that the specific medication is out of stock at the moment, and they won't have another set ready for four days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 53

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