lazydude
Heaven knows I'm miserable now
Today, I got hired and now I have to work. FML
The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
Single4Life
Spokane, United States
Tax evasion
Today, my long-term boyfriend still does not want to get married and file our taxes jointly, but rather wants to claim me as a “dependent” so he gets a bigger refund. FML
Anonymous
United States
Uprooted
Today, my parents said that we're moving back to Los Angeles. I'm so fucking pissed off because in the couple of years since we moved to a tiny town, I've become a different person and love my new life. This is just completely undoing everything I've been through and they won't let me move in with my new best friend. FML
Hayat Hubby
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Side piece
Today, my side piece told me that she’s pregnant with her husband’s baby. She refuses to break up with me, even though I'm no longer interested. She keeps crying and telling me, “It’s your fault!” I didn’t even know she was married. FML
Anonymous
United States
Hypercontrolling
Today, I was thrown from a horse. Thankfully, there was a trainer there to break my fall and prevent serious injury. Instead of being concerned for my safety or even grateful, my boyfriend flew into a rage that the trainer’s hands had brushed my breasts while saving me. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Happy Easter!
Today, my kids are at the age where they no longer want to go to church, and if I take them anyway, they misbehave on purpose to embarrass me. I don’t even want to go, my wife is the religious one, but if I refuse to go she’ll see to it I get hell on earth daily. FML
Anonymous
United States
Cozy
Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML
Anonymous
Germany
Good intentions…
Today, I drove for three hours to surprise a girl after surgery. My truck broke down outside her place, and it turns out she's over an hour away at her family's place. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Old boys' club
Today, I anonymously reported a coworker for a very serious breach of the rules. He was in the HR office for about 30 seconds, then came out laughing with the HR director, talking about a football match they both watched. FML
Anonymous
Los Angeles, United States
Crowbar time
Today, I'm moving to almost 1,000 miles to a new state. I packed everything up in the U-Haul and it is en route to the new place. I just realized that it shows up tomorrow and I have no idea where the keys are to unlock the back. FML
Anonymous
United States
Should've gone to KFC instead
Today, my ex had the bright idea of trying to bond with our son by taking him to a UFC fight. Our son is only 8 and autistic. It’s been hours and he hasn’t stopped crying about the "big scary men that kept hurting each other." FML
MaybeYOULLFindThisFunny
Seminole, United States
How could you?
Today, I hit a stray Chihuahua with my car, a little Taco Bell tan dog, ironically whilst taking my own chihuahua dog to a vet appointment, in full view of two kids no less. A roughly 10-12 year-old girl and her 8ish year-old brother, who were taking out their trash to the dumpster in the alley, saw the whole thing. I later cried. FML
Anonymous
United States
Average White Sox fan
Today, I had to explain to one of my friends that the cap he likes to wear makes people look at us funny in public. He thinks it's just the White Sox logo. It's styled like the baseball team's logo, but it actually says "Sex". I had to show him both side by side for him to see it. FML
Anonymous
Rehab blues
Today, a week after my girlfriend of 6 years checked herself into a rehab program 5 hours away, she called me and said I was too much of a toxic enabler and not good for her mental health, so she ended it and I have to move out before she gets home. I was going to propose when she came home. I’m completely broken. FML
F*ckinghot
United States
Southern states be like
Today, as I have my entire life, I live in the south. However, our AC decided to break and now it's 91 degrees inside the house, even with fans on and the windows open. FML
Fred from NY
Rochester, United States
Rude!
Today, I was showing my grandma how to use emojis on her new smartphone. After she sent a cute smiley face, she went on to send a string of random emojis, including the eggplant and the peach, to her church group chat. When she found out the meaning those emojis usually have, she tried to ground me, even though I'm 28. FML
Anonymous
Anaheim, United States
Rumor mill
Today, my brother-in-law was nice enough to bring me lunch at work. The people I work with are so catty and immature that the rumors started flying almost immediately. Grow up already. FML
Anonymous
When you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail
Today, my dad insists he knows best when it comes to DIY, since he is a big mathematics professor, while I am a mere labourer with dozens of City and Guilds qualifications. He owns one hammer, an unopened screwdriver set, and a wood saw with a broken handle, but sure, he knows better than me. FML
Mike
Weird romance
Today, my coworker and I have been sharing the same girlfriend for over a year. She doesn’t know that we each know about the other, but now it’s all over. She blocked both of us. FML
Anonymous
Winnipeg, Canada
Avalanche
Today, I fell, cut my hand, and needed four stitches. Yesterday, I caught a cold. Two days before that, my girlfriend broke up with me. No rest for the wicked, I guess. FML
Anonymous
United States
It's all too much
Today, I came home to my wife who was drunk and sobbing. I’d left her alone with my kids from my first marriage along with ours and I guess they acted up so bad they made her break her sobriety. FML
Yada yada yada
Scottsdale, United States
Please leave
Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow some tools. Trying to be friendly, I asked how he was doing. He then spent the next 45 minutes describing his recent breakup in excruciating detail. I just wanted him to take the tools and leave. FML
Jfc son
A bit much
Today, my son was getting ready for a first date. I asked him what he was doing, and he revealed he'd saved his money and bought her a GOLD NECKLACE to show his love. I facepalmed so hard I nearly gave myself a concussion, then told him to put that away until their first anniversary or something. FML
Anonymous
United States
Everyone's a critic
Today, I was walking past a restaurant to my car. Some man who was sitting on the patio went completely out of his way to walk through the restaurant, out the door, and follow me halfway down the street, just to tell me that my hair was ugly, my makeup was too thick, and my dress was “slutty.” FML
Anonymous
Madrid, Spain
Late fee
Today, I woke up earlier to food prep for lunch later. Just as I was preparing the ingredients, I dropped a thick glass saucer on the kitchen counter and it shattered like a hail storm - everywhere in the kitchen. I ended up spending more time cleaning it out and obviously logged in to work later than usual. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Non-confrontational
Today, I received a text breakup from my boyfriend while we were sitting right next to each other on the couch. He said, “This isn’t working,” and I had to ask, “Is this a joke? You’re literally here.” His phone was on silent. FML
JeremySayz
Seattle, United States
Body issues
Today, I was in an elevator with a coworker I barely know. My stomach thought that it was time to remind me I hadn’t eaten breakfast. It growled like a dying whale, and my coworker gave me a concerned look. To make it worse, the elevator got stuck for five minutes. We stood in awkward silence, with my stomach making noises the whole time. FML
Anonymous
Leeds, United Kingdom
Attitude
Today, I did three loads of washing, made dinner, did all the housework and made sure the kids had what they needed for school, came home from working a full day, straight to karate lessons and football, didn’t eat until 9pm, tidied up, all while treating a UTI. All to get told I "have an attitude". FML
Karen
Solon, United States
Belly bounce!
Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML
Anonymous
Chancer
Today, on day one of opening my first restaurant, a customer complained his chicken fried steak contained only steak and no chicken. I thought he was taking the piss but no, he was just that dumb, and he refused to leave until he got a refund despite having eaten it all. I had to call the police. FML