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Not my problem

By I cleaned it...slowly... - 27/01/2026 03:00

Today, someone (we don't know who) put a very massive and noticeable graffiti "mural" in the bathroom at my workplace. Guess who's job it was to clean it? If you said me, you'd be wrong. However, the guy whose job it was got distracted and didn't do it, so it became my job after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 80

LANGUAGE, SON!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 224

You deserved it 70 572

Crash

By Anonymous - 01/02/2026 12:00

Today, I was proud of myself for buying the lowest calorie option at a Subway that I could walk to. By the time I managed to get there my blood sugar severely crashed (it didn't help that two people in front of me were ordering subs for their family and coworkers). I ended up buying six cookies to stave off the crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 253

Damn, girl!

By just lemme smash - 12/02/2026 03:00

Today, my wife has quit nicotine. As expected, she's put on some weight, but it's all gone to her butt, boobs, and hips. She looks better than ever, easily 5 years younger, but she's so upset about the weight gain that she refuses to let me touch her, and she wears baggy clothes 24/7 now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 82

Mix up

By SAHD - 01/02/2026 15:00

Today, I’m a stay-at-home dad who packed my kid’s lunch while half-asleep. At pickup, my child told the teacher I packed “Daddy’s special sandwich.” Turns out I'd wrapped my own spicy tuna sandwich instead of the kid-safe peanut butter one. The teacher handed it back gently and asked if I wanted it “for later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 242

Truth serum

By Jodi - 06/02/2026 22:00

Today, my husband was cold and distant towards me for the third day in a row, and I finally demanded an answer. He showed me a video of me drunkenly confessing to him that I don't find him sexually exciting, and that my abusive ex was way better in the bedroom. Fuck, I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 424

Nervous nelly

By Anonymous - 14/02/2026 00:00

Today, I had to present a budget proposal to a nonprofit board that included a donor who helped me get my first internship. Mid-presentation, my brain blanked on a basic number I’ve said a hundred times. I tried to recover, knocked over my water, soaking my notes. The donor passed me a napkin, whispering, “Breathe.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 78

Salt and vinegar?

By Anonymous - 20/01/2026 09:00

Today, my husband insists he’s being healthy by swapping crisps for low calorie Snack a Jacks. The problem is that he eats a whole packet in one sitting, three packets a day; that’s around 2000-ish calories just in Snack a Jacks, plus three meals and sugar in his tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 62

Link please

By Anonymous - 22/01/2026 03:00

Today, my wife sold her first painting and was so proud of herself, until she found the buyer online and realized his YouTube page is full of videos where he paints over horrible art and turns it into good art. Her painting was on it, and yes, he visibly improved it and yes, my wife is raging at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 73

Payback

By Stupid stupid stupid - 30/01/2026 22:00

Today, I bumped into a guy I bullied for years at a bar. He was actually cool and laughed about it, but my stupid drunk ass kept urging him to hit me because I felt bad about it. We went outside and he thrashed me. At least we're friends now, I guess… FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 627

Empathy is never toxic

By Anonymous - 07/02/2026 00:00

Today, I was sitting outside of a counseling center waiting for someone, watching an older lady bawl her eyes out as she exited the building. Absolutely broke my heart, because asking her if she was okay would have been intrusive and unasked for... and yet I can't get the sight of her crying out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 124

Replaced by a clanker

By stop masturbating woman - 10/02/2026 15:00

Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 75

Swings and roundabouts

By Anonymous - 14/02/2026 03:00

Today, I went to a community center event to make friends in a new city. I introduced myself to someone who seemed cool, then realized they were the event organizer who thought I was a volunteer who hadn’t shown up for their shift. They politely asked me to help stack chairs. I spent the night stacking chairs instead of meeting people. Now I’m on the volunteer email list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 342

I'm out

By tired af - 25/01/2026 20:00

Today, I’m a nurse on night shift and I went to a daytime family brunch without adjusting my sleep schedule. Halfway through a serious conversation about finances, I nodded off and started dreaming I was charting vitals. I woke up mid-sentence saying, “Blood pressure stable,” to my aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 66

Ouch

By Anonymous - 31/01/2026 00:00

Today, I learned a valuable life lesson : Never attempt to swallow your pills with a swig of hot tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 338

Baller

By Anonymous - 03/02/2026 15:00

Today, I went to a coffee shop with the change I got back after buying a ball. After having waited in line for around twenty minutes, I was told that only credit cards were allowed. I'd left my wallet in my car because I thought I didn't need it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 132

Let's get it on

By Anonymous - 07/02/2026 03:00

Today, I told my husband I was horny and wanted to get it on. He agreed but first he had to finish the chapter he was reading, watch his show on Netflix, argue with strangers on Facebook, then do his workout. He had the nerve to cop an attitude when I was no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 73

It's just a vibe thing

By Cuckolded by tech - 08/02/2026 22:00

Today, it's been four months since I bought my girlfriend the vibrator she'd been wanting. She hasn't wanted sex since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 94

In the Navy

By Anonymous - 12/02/2026 12:00

Today, while I was sleeping on the sofa, my sister yelled right in my ear, "Attention on deck !" I jumped up so fast because I thought a superior officer had just walked in that I tripped over my own feet and smashed into our mom's glass fronted display case full of porcelain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 77

What happened?

By Anonymous - 20/01/2026 15:00

Today, a day or two after a really close friend of mine offered for me to move in with him, he has me blocked on everything, because he cheated on his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 75

Realistic

By Anonymous - 22/01/2026 09:00

Today, I told my daughter that it’s important to marry for love. She asked if I married her dad for love, which I did. She thought about it for a second, then said, "Fuck that, I’m marrying me a rich guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 119

Music nerd

By Anonymous - 01/02/2026 22:00

Today, I asked my crush what music he was into, misheard his answer because of background noise, so I spent 5 minutes enthusiastically talking about a band he'd never heard of, thinking we were bonding. When he finally stopped me and clarified, I laughed too loudly out of shame, then knocked over my drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 166

Sweet kids, what happened?

By Tico - 16/02/2026 03:00

Today, I discovered my parents' first Valentine's Day "date" picture. It shows them as 8 year-olds awkwardly smiling for the camera. Mom looked like a super dork with braces and headgear, and Dad looks weirdly like a really pretty girl in boy's clothes. I asked them about it, and now they won't talk to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 180

False alarm

By Bad nurse - 18/01/2026 22:00

Today, I spent ten minutes comforting a patient’s family member, reassuring them everything was under control. When I went to leave, I realized I’d been leaning on the call button the entire time. Three other nurses ran in ready for an emergency while I was mid-sentence about coping strategies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 317

Hashtag health goals

By Not that old!! - 26/01/2026 00:00

Today, I’m a retiree who recently joined a gym for the first time. The trainer asked me what my goals were. I said, honestly, “To not fall over.” He nodded and wrote it down. Later I saw my workout plan titled: ANTI-FALL PROTOCOL. Other gym members now ask me how my falling is going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 99

Three piss suite

By Anonymous - 03/02/2026 20:00

Today, I woke up desperately needing to pee. I sat up in bed, naked, and tried to decide if I should get dressed, or run for it and hope no one saw me. I guess I took too long to decide, because as soon as I stood up to run, I pissed on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 427

That thing you do

By Here we go - 14/02/2026 12:00

Today, after sex, my wife of three months said, "You know, sex isn't as good now that we're married… Maybe we should take a break." I said we should spice things up. She said, firmly, "No, let's stop" and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 40

Insecure

By Anonymous - 22/01/2026 15:00

Today, my husband went on a boys' night but I found his wedding ring on the nightstand so I confronted him when he got home. He was wearing his ring. What I had was a brass olive ring for plumbing so now I look like a jealous idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 681

Soaked

By SamIsMe - 24/01/2026 09:00

Today, I have been trying to keep up on chores. I washed all of the blankets in the house, then had to pick up my son from school. I couldn't find my phone before leaving though. When we returned, we found out where it was. The washer. It's not coming back from this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 104

Chilly

By Bloody tp - 03/02/2026 22:00

Today, I had to spend five days at work, as we were expecting a snow storm and my position must be staffed at all times. My boss stocked the fridges with food, which sounds nice, but it was all frozen dinners and junk food. I've had so much diarrhea that my asshole is chapped and bleeds when I wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 83

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 493

You deserved it 40 675

Today, I finally told my brother that I was being sexually harassed at work. I'm 22 and my brother is 41, and he literally told me that I don't even know what sexual harassment is, and then laughed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 147

Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentine's Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 710

You deserved it 3 173

Today, I woke in the same way as every day, puking and hating life. It hasn’t been the same since my new boss started. I now want to start afresh, quit my job, and find a better way of living without ripping my eyes out. Why can’t I just win the lottery? FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 239

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 685

You deserved it 12 674

Today, instead of my boyfriend calling me 'his Kit Kat' like he normally does, he called me his 'Kit Kat Chunky.' When I asked him why, he said it's because I'm now 20% chunkier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 329