The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Otala · 28 January 2025, 15:00 ·Phoenix, United States

Pianissimo!

Today, I went to an orchestra concert and everyone was sat really close together. I tried to avoid hitting people nearby, and tried to lean back to not hit anyone. My bow ended up hitting a cymbal from the percussion section and made quite a loud sound. It was during a really soft part of a song. Kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447 You deserved it 131

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sleepy and ill · 6 September 2026, 03:00 ·Anchorage, United States

I'm really tired, chief

Today, my dad now insists I HAVE to be up at 7 am every day. I explained that even after waking up at 7 am for months, my body still couldn’t fall asleep earlier and I stayed chronically sleep deprived. He thinks I’m lying because, “No one’s body works like that.” I’m 30 and can’t move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320 You deserved it 136

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Fat blob · 10 September 2026, 22:00 ·Zurich, Switzerland

A tad harsh

Today, an aunt asked me why I'm single. I laughed and said, "I know my value, and I have high standards. Men can't handle that." My cousin burst into laughter and said, "What value? You're 36 and 300 pounds. Your value is zero!" I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 619

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Gilbert · 4 February 2025, 00:00 ·Buena Vista, United States

Heartwarming

Today, I made a snowman with my little sister. We spent ages rolling snowballs and decorating it with a scarf and hat. When we'd finished, she hugged it so hard that it collapsed. She cried, so I promised to build another one. It’s been three hours, my fingers are numb, but her smile is worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462 You deserved it 129

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Anonymous · 14 February 2025, 00:00 ·Winnipeg, Canada

Flustered

Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet a potential client. As soon as I sat down, I knocked my coffee over, and it splashed all over my lap. I tried to play it off by making a joke, but I hadn’t brought a spare pair of pants, and the client turned up just as I was mopping my crotch with paper towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396 You deserved it 140

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hangry · 24 September 2026, 15:00 ·London, United Kingdom

Feed me

Today, after I packed my lunch last night and put it in the fridge, I grabbed my bag and left for work. At lunchtime, I opened it and found an empty container. I'd packed the container but left the food in the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236 You deserved it 156

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Anonymous · 20 February 2025, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Recycled

Today, my wife told me to my face that I’m the reason climate change is killing babies. All I did was throw a snotty hankie in the bin instead of composting it to be used in her vegetable patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484 You deserved it 106

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Anonymous · 25 February 2025, 00:00 ·Bristol, United Kingdom

Sit on it?

Today, someone stole the seat off my bike. Just the seat. What the hell are they going to do with it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 420 You deserved it 89

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Anonymous · 2 April 2021, 21:30

End of the road

Today, I landed my dream job with an international company. I figured I could work this until retirement, only to find out they hired me to shut down operations in my market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995 You deserved it 110

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louise · 6 March 2025, 03:00 ·Australia

Quality fabric

Today, I wore a new shirt I was really pleased to have bought. As soon as I put it on, I noticed it was a bit tight, but I thought it would stretch out. By the end of the day, I looked like I was wearing a sausage casing. My coworkers couldn’t stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217 You deserved it 409

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Come home mom · 20 October 2026, 12:00 ·Los Angeles, United States

She'll be back

Today, my senile mother escaped the house and wandered off as the sun was setting. Frantic, I told my husband I would call the police. He tried to convince me to wait, and couldn't conceal his excitement. I know she's not the easiest to live with, but that really hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332 You deserved it 98

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Anonymous · 15 March 2025, 03:00 ·Australia

When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of Sixth Sense I…

Today, pearlescent liquid soap squirted all over my white pants while washing my hands. I have 6 more hours of work looking like I jizzed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395 You deserved it 121

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John · 26 October 2026, 22:00 ·Poland 🌶️ Spicy

And the boner?

Today, I've been blessed with a great girlfriend who initiates sex often, but then during the act just lays there looking uninterested while I do all the work. Looking at her bored expression makes me lose all the fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194 You deserved it 78

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Anonymous · 29 June 2022, 06:00

Wingnut

Today, my son actually tried to get out of being arrested by claiming he was “an agent” and unless they let him go, his employers “from the government” would come looking for him and there would be “consequences”. The officers eventually got their breath back from laughing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085 You deserved it 203

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Lili · 22 March 2025, 09:00 ·Akron, United States

We'll just order out

Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 350 You deserved it 286

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Anonymous · 29 October 2026, 20:00 ·Dar es Salaam, Tanzania

Toppermost College

Today, it's my second day of uni just sitting in halls, waiting for the lecturers, and switching venues that are not even in our timetable. Like, how come this is the "TOPPEST" university in the whole country? FML

I agree, your life sucks 209 You deserved it 71

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Anonymous · 31 October 2026, 03:00 ·Walled Lake, United States

Dicking around

Today, while I was lying in bed in a hospital gown, a nurse came to check my vitals. I wasn't wearing any underwear and unbeknownst to me the bottom of my gown had been pulled up. My nurse laughed her head off while pointing this out to me as I covered myself, mortified after accidentally flashing her with my tiny dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260 You deserved it 75

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Anonymous · 11 April 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Tipping point

Today, I went to a self-checkout kiosk and it asked if I wanted to tip. For what? Watching myself scan groceries? I still ended up tipping 10% because I panicked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 You deserved it 470

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Anonymous · 28 October 2023, 12:00 ·St Louis, United States 🌶️ Spicy

On a loop

Today, I got home after a long day and decided to unwind a bit. I put some porn on the TV but promptly fell asleep. I woke up three hours later to the same video playing, but realized a had left my blinds open. I broadcasted three hours of Athena Faris having sex to my whole street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 You deserved it 578

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Lawrie · 12 July 2022, 10:00

Privatisation

Today, the bus I needed to catch, that replaced the train I needed to catch, to get the flight home was full. I had to get a taxi instead. £140 to the nearest working train station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839 You deserved it 105

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Despair · 27 April 2025, 09:00 ·Manchester, United Kingdom

Don't call us, we'll call you

Today, I was at a job interview and, just as I was about to answer a question, I suddenly got the worst case of hiccups. I tried to hold them in but ended up hiccuping in rhythm, making me sound like a malfunctioning robot. I spent the rest of the interview with a red face and no idea how to get my dignity back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417 You deserved it 74

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Fairla31 · 22 July 2022, 14:00 ·Tampa, United States

Pull your finger out

Today, I found out the job temp agency that got me my new job still hasn't setup my orientation from two weeks ago. When I called the actual job to speak to the supervisor, they told me they had never heard of me. I turned down two other job offers, paying slightly better, because this was my dream job getting into healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058 You deserved it 147

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Gary · 5 November 2023, 00:02 ·Ukraine

One way street

Today, I dressed up for work, even though I work from home. My wife insists that I look great in suits, she wanted me to wear them at home, and I don't really mind. On the other hand, she keeps wearing the same dirty clothes for two weeks because she doesn't care about how she looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445 You deserved it 134

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i hate it · 9 May 2025, 12:00 ·Fresno, United States

Button fever

Today, I had a conference call with a client. I was feeling confident and had been preparing all morning. Right in the middle of my presentation, I hit the wrong button, and my webcam feed turned into a close-up of my face, which had a giant zit right in the middle of my forehead. The client didn’t say anything, but I could see their eyes glued to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337 You deserved it 208

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Kathya Wilson · 1 August 2022, 10:00

Childfree confirmation ceremony

Today, I hung out with a friend who doesn’t have any kids. We went to the park, where my three year-old son decided to drop his drawers and shit next to a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794 You deserved it 319

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Mike · 7 August 2022, 18:00

Livin' la vida loca!

Today, I realized my life is very similar to my dad’s, except I’m only 55 and he’s almost 80. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724 You deserved it 238

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KLD · 18 November 2023, 04:00 ·United Kingdom

Very English reference

Today, I tried to organise my closet by colour-coding my clothes. In the process, I accidentally knocked over a shelf, creating an avalanche of mismatched shoes. I now have a closet that looks like it barely survived an earthquake in Selfridges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317 You deserved it 257

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Luke Sparacio · 24 November 2023, 00:00

Open door policy

Today, while we were exploring a building, my dad and I somehow got separated. After about 30 seconds, I found him on the other side of a door, so I went to go through what I thought was a door. Instead, I smashed my head on a windowpane and collapsed to the floor in pain in front of 5 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370 You deserved it 217

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Anonymous · 23 May 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Sexy moves

Today, my boyfriend tried to pull down my panties with his teeth but it proved more difficult than he thought, so he got a real good mouthful and gave it a really hard pull. They did come down, but he also pulled out what felt like half my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429 You deserved it 178

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Anonymous · 5 June 2025, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

Petty BS

Today, a coworker told me that another coworker only treats me badly because I never asked her out. We’ve worked together for 3 years, if she wanted a date why didn’t she just ask me out instead? All she did was ruin her chances; she’s been so mean to me, I’d never ask her out now. What petty BS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539 You deserved it 89

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