The Top

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Ripper

By Pantess at work - 30/03/2021 23:00 - United States

Today, at work, the seat of my pants ripped open. A coworker lent me a pair of his back-up jeans, and then those ripped in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 153

Who are you?

By shannon - 02/04/2021 20:59

Today, I asked my coworker for her name. She screamed at me because apparently I'd already asked her 5 times before. I have no memory of any of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 279

Go home

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 10:00

Today, I saw my dad naked. How? He came into the room I was staying in, drunk. I'm gonna need a whole lot of therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 98

Extreme response

By poordude - 03/04/2021 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that our relationship and economic situation is stressing her out so much that she’d rather end her life or marry a rich dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 150

I hate my job

By Moo - 25/05/2022 14:00

Today, awaiting the end of my shift at a call centre, I received my last call. The caller had a riddle: “What’s a cow’s favorite place to go? The moooo-vies!” He then laughed like a hyena and hung up. I wish I could pay my rent with riddles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 149

Hang in there

By Sad old friend - 20/06/2022 18:00 - South Africa - Kimberley

Today, I found out that one of my oldest buddie's brother died of Covid. I'm so sad, not only for him, but that so many of our old crowd is passing on. I'm only 62. Where did those years go? There is still so much to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 1 218

Spice

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 999

Hero worship

By Anonymous - 01/06/2022 12:00

Today, my date walked out on me during our first encounter when he found out my prosthetic leg wasn’t the result of "fighting terrorists to protect democracy", but a splinter that went septic and caused gangrene. Apparently I’m no longer heroic enough for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 159

Irritation

By Anonymous - 11/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I have family over and even though they can see I'm stepping away to go take a shower, instead of interacting with my child who they supposedly love, they ignore her to the point where she comes crying to the bathroom door. So now I gotta move quicker? FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 197

Unionize

By Replacable - 07/06/2022 12:00

Today, I was fired. Last week, I was written up because I came in one minute late from lunch break. The week before, I was yelled at for yawning. I found out it was all a plan for my boss’s favorite employee to get promoted to my position, so they wanted a reason to terminate me. I work in an “at will” state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 159

Snap, crackle, and pop

By Anonymous - 30/09/2023 22:00

Today, I woke up from my wisdom tooth surgery… while they were still sawing my jaw. I had such a bad panic response that they also cut my lip, so I have stitches inside and outside of my mouth, as well as the haunting crackle of bone being removed from my skull stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 115

Unwelcome guest

By cpguru24 - 20/03/2025 22:00 - United States - Bellows Falls

Today, my mom's dog bit my dad's girlfriend in the face. At my wedding. We did not know she was bringing her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 68

Cursed

By Freddie - 25/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I went on my first date in months. It was going well until the waiter brought our drinks. I went to take a sip of my cocktail, but I misjudged the size of the glass and the stupid paper straw, and spilled it all over myself. The waiter said, “Well, at least it’s not a first date curse,” and I replied, “Oh, it definitely is.” It was, because I doubt I'll be seeing her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 143

To each his own

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 14:00

Today, during sex, my boyfriend found it appropriate to tell me he loves "how bad" I smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 265

Dental records

By Stephanie Kugelman - 15/07/2022 10:00

Today, it's the sixth day in a row of non-stop migraines, due to grinding my teeth. Medicine works, but doesn't last. A mouth guard offers very little relief, I'm just so stressed out, and I think too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 158

Holidays in the sun

By ToxicFamily - 05/04/2025 22:00 - Germany

Today, all I wanted was to go on a vacation in April. I've been asking my husband since last April and he begrudgingly booked everything last minute a month before. Now he's cancelled everything he booked due to his dad being sick. I was OK with it, but now I've got no vacations for this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 377

Preapproved

By Anonymous - 08/04/2025 03:00 - United States - Fresno

Today, after saving for years, I was finally ready to buy a home. I found a decent place. I put in an offer. A hedge fund bought it 7 minutes later, for cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 79

New sex tape just leaked

By Anonymous - 18/10/2023 20:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 7 years cheated on me when I saw a sex tape in which he was in. He claimed it was from before we met. I went to delete it and I clicked “info” by mistake and I ended up seeing the date it was filmed and even the location. I still haven’t told him I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 151

Love and marriage

By Anonymous - 29/10/2023 22:00

Today, literally the only thing that now motivates my husband to do anything is sex. Not food, money, humour, or anything. Once he’s had sex, he’ll do anything I ask him to for about 8 hours, then he turns back into a depressing, shiftless lump who either goes to work, sits in his chair, or sleeps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 488

Modern Family

By Wtffmlfs - 26/09/2019 04:01

Today, I dawned on me that my step-dad, who cheated on and is now divorcing my mom, is my favorite family member. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 191

His place or your place?

By Anonymous - 10/11/2023 04:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend has covered his windows in heavy-duty garbage bags, all the while complaining that his apartment has no view. In our old place, which did have a view, he always kept the blinds closed and never opened the windows more than 2 centimeters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 126

Nervous

By Z…… - 07/05/2025 22:00 - China

Today, I went to the hospital for constant dizziness and insomnia, and was diagnosed with anxiety. I figured out that the main source of my anxiety is not my job but my boyfriend, who has avoidant personality, which makes him constantly refuse almost everything that I request. He's a guy who just doesn't know how to show his love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 228

EMERGENCY

By I Was Going to Quit Anyway - 15/11/2023 14:00 - British Virgin Islands

Today, my boss called me to say that I'm fired because I was "deliberately ignoring" the messages from a head of another department who wanted to contact me regarding some "urgent" (not really) project. I was on "Do not disturb" because it's my vacation, and this SOB is not even my boss anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 101

Follow the lifescript

By Anonymous - 17/11/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I came out to my parents as lesbian. Surprisingly, they were OK with it… just as long as I still marry a dude, give them grandbabies, and keep the whole lesbian thing a deep, dark, shameful secret that we never talk about again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 231

Jeep Fail

By FML Approved - 27/10/2017 04:00 - United States - New York

He is not one with the force.

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 407

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

By Mike - 27/05/2021 22:01

Today, my dreams are populated mostly by grocery store employees, people from NextDoor, my cat, and people I haven’t seen in 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 135

Big swinger

By Anonymous - 23/05/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, my penis isn't so small that I pee on my balls. It's so small that it fits between the toilet and toilet seat, causing me to pee all over the floor full stream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 140

Get some rest

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 18:01

Today, I dislocated my shoulder doing a really big stretch when I woke up. After the doctor relocated it, my dad told me I still had to do my chores. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 146

Smells like team spirit

By SeriouslyDude - 13/08/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, the last game of the season was ruined by one of the new players who loves to scream trash talk. The rest of us play hard, but cheer and encourage everyone. I wish I would've known he could trash a whole game before I bankrolled a bunch of equipment repairs for next season as a senior player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 155

Little shit

By Doormat - 19/08/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, a demon child called my severely arthritic mom a "bitch," all because she was walking too slowly for his liking. After verbally tearing him apart for daring to speak to anyone like that, his mom quickly rushed to his defense, even though she was close enough to hear what he'd said about my mom. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 142

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The Top

Today, I shattered my iPhone screen. Pieces of glass are chipping out and can easily slice up any idiot who slides their finger across the screen. Unfortunately, I was that idiot. There's blood in the cracks of my screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 442

You deserved it 6 740

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 656

You deserved it 4 353

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 832

You deserved it 3 887

Today, and for the last six months, I've been on a medication that greatly improves the main symptoms of my chronic illness. Too bad it also gives me chronic diarrhea. I feel much better and can function better than I have since my teens, but I haven't taken a solid dump in half a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 95

Today, I was trying to find my phone. My friend found it, and instead of handing it to me like a normal person, he threw it at me. I'm terrible at catching stuff. It bounced off my arm and landed in his cup of Sprite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 142

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in quite a while. I was feeling pretty good about myself until I realized I'd been on the elliptical machine for twenty minutes without having actually turned it on. I was just moving the pedals and wondering why I wasn’t getting tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 345