Today, I was walking in the mall with my friends when one of them pointed at a store and commented, "Bae Goals." My fat ass thought she said "bagels" and I actually got excited at the thought of eating a bagel, even after I realized my mistake. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into a store, grabbed a shopping cart, and started browsing. After 15 seconds, I realized I was in the wrong store. The cashier watched as I awkwardly returned my cart and walked out like I totally meant to do that. FML
Today, I flirted with the cashier at the local bagel joint. I complimented her unique blue hair and got her number. Later on that evening, she served my girlfriend and me our food at a different restaurant. FML
Today, I went to the mall. While shopping in a store, a woman bumped into me numerous times. Getting annoyed, I turned to her and loudly exclaimed, "Are you blind?!" Turns out she was. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML
Today, I was at the mall with my friend. A lady came up to us and told my friend that she could be a model. Then the lady looked at me and said, "Oh... Nice shoes." FML
Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML
Today, I decided to have some bagels. It was only after I ate them that I looked at the cream cheese and discovered that it expired 3 years ago. FML
Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell, "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said, "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Your mistake is you have idiot friends. Find other fatties who like bagels and hang out with them, maybe even literally.
colderthanyou 15
I prefer bagels over bae goals anyway 🤷🏼♀️
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Comments (9)
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Bae Goals" is a stupid term. I'm disappointed for you that you didn't get your bagels, and your excitement is completely understandable. No one would have thought any different to you, except your friend. Also, "baggle".
RichardPencil 32
Your mistake is you have idiot friends. Find other fatties who like bagels and hang out with them, maybe even literally.
Aiden89 23
The stomach wants what it wants.
colderthanyou 15
I prefer bagels over bae goals anyway 🤷🏼♀️
WeirdUS 30
Being hungry doesn't make you fat and nothing wrong with some extra padding.
TCRII 30
Crap! Now I want a bagel.
Sinshine 28
It's really commendable that you spend time with mentally challenged people.
timinator5000 28
I'd be right there with you. Bagels>bae goals