Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend has been putting boogers in my belly button when I don't pay attention to her while we watch tv. FML
Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out with one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend was a kid, she enjoyed torturing animals for fun. Nice to know she was lying when she said the idea of harming an animal “makes her sick to her stomach.” FML
Today, I was babysitting a little girl, and we were playing with dolls. After we fed her babies, we put them down for a nap. After a few minutes, I asked if they'd had enough sleep. She looked at me like I was a freak and said, "Uh, they're not real babies, you know…" FML
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Top comments
MykalaMonae 7
Dont you mean, EX Girlfriend?
Adrena_fml 5
.... and you're jealous. It's ok to admit.
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Comments (199)
HeartOfLead 24
It's never too early to start practicing for parenthood!
drayloon 50
Does she at least let you watch?
Crackers25 0
Haha. Outstanding.
rjp1811 0
RUNNNNNNNNNNN!!!! thats way too far passed the "crazy line" on the "crazy-to-hot" comparison chart bro. get out while you still can, before she dresses you up and makes u have MILK with your tea at her "tea party"....gross.
itooamscrewed 10
The fact that she has dolls didn't freak you out in the first place?
lumoloxi 0
Holy Shit!!!
debins33 1
DAFUQ?!
mjmsmommy89 0
The fact that she still has dolls should've been a red flag.
alpacaman 5
You jealous? Break up with that sslluutt
SilverTears622 4
Hhmmm...