Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Today, work was so busy that when I went to take a shit, I had to force it and wipe hurriedly. Later, when I got home and hopped in the shower, my wife saw the skid mark in my underwear and lost her shit, calling me a disgusting disgraceful pig. FML
Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my wife complained that the shower was draining slowly, so I took the drain cover off and snaked the drain. I pulled out a giant blob of reeking, stinking, rotten filth. My wife saw it and screamed. Now she insists she can still smell it on my hands and won't let me near her. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML
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Top comments
TheCrispyCat 20
Most cases you can't.
mt631 18
She needs to get over herself. You're not a pig for clogging the toilet. Everyone does that sometimes.
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Comments (131)
worldclassrager 41
It all should pass shit happens
Leo_lady69 3
Walk away mate
buckdharma 38
Keep pulling the handle op. Sooner or later you'll get 3 of something.
Soundslikeothers 15
When your cable goes out you clog your girlfriends toilet. When you clog your girlfriends toilet you try to do the right thing and plunge it. When you plunge it you take too long and she thinks you're jacking off. When she thinks your jacking off she walks in and the smell hits her and she calls you a pig. Don't let your girlfriend call you a pig. ditch cable and get Direct TV.
LexiDaBae 17
Actually, that does sound like a DirecTV commercial though!
vikky538 29
lol...well that's a direct hit...
AlaskanG 27
Why does the cable going out cause you to clog the toilet though?
jerryj 27
#82, you might be overanalyzing just a bit.
joemud 13
Women...
edward80 18
Butt seriously, you should have just left it right there
kasmol 16
You said rectify. How can I top that?
sezzamozzy 9
With most women, men can't win at all. Sucks, I know
MrBoredomioo 18
When you're gonna hit the ball and your trousers start to fall, Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea. When you're sliding into first and you feel something burst, Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea...
cakefete2 31
It's unfortunate that you had to use a word you can't spell that often. Diarrhea, for future reference, my friend.
trashcan_man 16
From the World Health Organization website...Diarrhoea is the passage of 3 or more loose or liquid stools per day.
lilmisscath 19
Depending on what country you are from, both spellings are correct, just for future reference!
tweetypie 18
When you're climbing up the ladder and you hear something splatter, Diarrhea, Diarrhea
aruden 25
She kinda sounds like a bitch