Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, I was teaching my grandma how to use her new tablet. After explaining and setting everything up, I left her alone to check her email. When I came back, she'd somehow "mistakenly" sent an email to our entire family with the subject line "Help! My grandson thinks I'm a dipshit and has kidnapped me!" FML
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Top comments
grajax 24
Superstitions are the dumbest.
pjsr 33
Maybe show her how you can speak sign language with that left hand
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Comments (60)
GhostFox 34
I wonder if some old people just use their age as a way to say shit like this and get away with it. I'm not sure whether that is worse, or if them literally being so ungrounded as to believe the demented things they say are true is the worse of the two. Then again, my grandparents are sane, and yet one pair has hated me since I was born, and I didn't get to even talk to the other pair until I was ten or twelve so I can't really be one to say.
murr52727 22
I wonder if she knows what year it is... shit catch her up to everything that's been going on. For example, the plague has passed and there's even a vaccine for polio.
exoticwaved 9
Judging from your crude description of grandma I don't think it's your left handedness that's unladylike.
Bryce8 11
Grandma's will be grandma's, in the end you still gotta love them.
leogachi 15
@31 Actually you don't. Love isn't mandatory and it can't be forced.
C00kiesNcream 24
Use whichever hand makes you comfortable. Times have changed and there is nothing wrong with being left handed ?
live2loveurself 11
Lol, my grandma is ambidextrous
nitrog100 21
I wouldn't be so sure of that. My maternal grandmother is 'ambidextrous' as well, but she was actually forced to learn to use her right hand as a child. From what I know, that practice continued at least through the 60s. In all likelihood, your grandmother is a lefty who was forced to be right-handed.
amanda182 19
But it is possible, my grandmother is, and so is my father, and my brother is as well. Though it completely skipped passed me, unfortunately.
worldclassrager 41
As a lefty as well I know what you mean...so judgemental... If she was around enough when you were growing up I can figure she would have put more things in your right hand to make you a righty...
writerchic85 26
So how long have you known your grandma? Because most people are born either left handed or right handed.
vikky538 29
I like your username OP
fader48080 10
you *****!!! yeah I am a lefty as well my grandmother used to tell me to use my right hand as you can't trust lefties.