Today, the girl I was going to hook up with took off her clothes and revealed she had an absolutely disturbing tattoo of a rotting zombie head on her lower stomach and groin, the idea being that during sex my penis would look like it was in the zombie's mouth. I couldn’t go through with it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got my boyfriend naked for the first time. He had "Baby Fucker" tattooed over his groin. He had some weird explanation for it, but I couldn't stop thinking about him fucking a baby, and it turned me off massively. I don't think I can keep dating him. FML
Today, I was having sex for the first time with a girl who wanted to be friends with benefits. Halfway through sex she noticed that I had the same tattoo as her brother, and had a full-on panic attack that lasted half-an-hour. FML
Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML
Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Today, my horror movie-obsessed girlfriend hit a new level of crazy when she asked me to dress up as Ghostface during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
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Top comments
juuuliaaa_fml 28
I wanna see this tattoo.. very odd.
RichardPencil 32
For now, turn out the lights. Tell her to get the tattoo altered to look like a clown. Every time you get "a hole in one", you can feel like you won a free game at the Putt-Putt!
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Comments (6)
Justkidding100 41
couldn't have just, flipped her over?
RichardPencil 32
For now, turn out the lights. Tell her to get the tattoo altered to look like a clown. Every time you get "a hole in one", you can feel like you won a free game at the Putt-Putt!
juuuliaaa_fml 28
I wanna see this tattoo.. very odd.
n3rdn3ss 8
Pics for proof? But yeah, flip her over would of probably helped.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Hey, if people can willingly **** Donald Trump (and then demand money to keep quiet about it rather than refusing like anyone else with eyesight), you can do this. Now wrap it up and get back in there.
1known 34
Doggy style all the way!