Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML
Today, my wife confused terminology from my religion with stuff from Harry Potter. FML
Today, my brother-in-law brought his new girlfriend over to meet the family. Things went south real quick after she went on a tirade about what terrible parents my wife and I are for letting our kids keep all their Harry Potter memorabilia. Now he’s mad I threw her out. FML
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML
Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML
Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML
Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML
Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML
Today, my dad got married to a woman who's an atheist and makes fun of me for being a devout Christian. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Burn some of her shit right back and tell her you sensed witchcraft in her belongings.
Rob Lapierre 3
Doesn't matter how old you are and her reasons are unjustified. Religions are just giant scams to make people comfortable in handing over there money and getting what they want. Live your life how you want and buy all of it back after you move out. My daughter loves all that stuff and I rather that then drugs or whatever other negative shit she could be into.
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Comments (15)
T'keyah♥️ 3
Excuse me...we would have had a problem. You do not touch Harry Potter 🤬
idragosani 17
"That shit is make believe anyway." ummm... yeah, could make the same claim about Christianity, too.
sarkycow 25
Call the cops on her. She destroyed your personal property. If you don't do that ...find whatever is important to her and burn that shit. She deserves it, what a bitch.