Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss fired me because I "didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML
Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had to stop at Starbucks to get my boss a drink. His son, who is at least 30 minutes late to work every day, was just walking in as I was walking out with all of my stuff. FML
Today, I was at a work lunch, and the waiter brought me a soda I hadn’t ordered. I thought it was a free mistake, so I took a sip. It was actually my boss’s drink. As soon as I noticed, I tried to give it back, but he just stared at me and said, "It’s fine. I’ve already seen you drink it now." FML
Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML
Today, I did the walk of shame at work after walking in 20 minutes late with a venti iced coffee in my hand for the umpteenth time, my boss then told me to pack up all my things and get out so I could have all the time in the world to get iced coffees. FML
Today, one of my co-workers was fired after my manager discovered him pissing in the office coffee pot. I had three cups before I found out what had happened. FML
Today, I got chewed out at work when my supervisor showed up, because my coworkers told my supervisor they couldn't find me for an hour and a half. Why couldn't they find me? Because they'd left to go get coffee. FML
Today, I woke up late for work. In my rush to make a quick cup of coffee, I forgot to put a mug under the machine. I came back a few minutes later to a kitchen counter flooded with coffee and had to clean it up, making me even later. To top it off, I was out of coffee. FML
Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML
Today, I learned a co-worker called and awoke my boss at 3 a.m. to complain that I'd been "rude" to him. All I'd done was make a disapproving face because he'd been drinking and he was slobbering drunk, and wanted to charge his purchase to his employee account, a definite no-no when not on the clock. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Coffee AND tea?!?! Quit screwing around and just go get some crystal meth!
gusgus36 5
oops! that sucks... you would think it would have been more obvious if it wasn't free. or maybe it is free and your boss is just coming up with more ways to wreck your day.. :(
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Comments (44)
machiko_fml 0
It really could have been worse.
Jimboom 12
When you assume it makes an ass out of u and me. YDI for stealing.
mintcar 10
This isn't too bad. Your boss didn't fire you. And stop drinking other peoples coffee. Sheesh.
rhm2084 1
water FTW
ROFLBERRYPIE 0
Yeah OP probably posted the FML using someone elses wireless signal. YDI Hobo.
yewzd 0
Well, you must work at sone shitty place if you have to pay for the coffee.
prettyricky2010 0
I mean least you've been getting free coffee, brah
spatz447 3
Bring coffee and give it to others.
funzcpl 0
I thought of the same nice gesture, but figured docbastard would call me a "kiss ass"lol.
DocBastard 40
Why would I say that? I've never called anyone here an ass-kisser. Moron? Yes. Idiot? Countless times. Snookums? Once. I don't want to talk about it.
funzcpl 0
how long have you been working there?
TomasT 0
Då vet vi vem som får pröjsa för kaffet några månader framöver... Haha... stackare!
TomasT 0
It did comply. If you don't want a foreign language, rewrite your rules. It was just in the OP's native language. You could have just babelfished or google translated it if you were worried. Rule: * We're americans and don't speak anything than our version of english. Use a language as close to this as possible. Sheesh!
DocBastard 40
Tomas, don't be naive. This isn't an American English language website, it's French. And most of the mods aren't American either. If you look around, you'll see a lot of "spilt" and "mum" comments from your Aussie and British colleagues. Try to be a little more understanding. Cheerio!