Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss fired me because I "didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML
Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had to stop at Starbucks to get my boss a drink. His son, who is at least 30 minutes late to work every day, was just walking in as I was walking out with all of my stuff. FML
Today, I was at a work lunch, and the waiter brought me a soda I hadn’t ordered. I thought it was a free mistake, so I took a sip. It was actually my boss’s drink. As soon as I noticed, I tried to give it back, but he just stared at me and said, "It’s fine. I’ve already seen you drink it now." FML
Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML
Today, I did the walk of shame at work after walking in 20 minutes late with a venti iced coffee in my hand for the umpteenth time, my boss then told me to pack up all my things and get out so I could have all the time in the world to get iced coffees. FML
Today, one of my co-workers was fired after my manager discovered him pissing in the office coffee pot. I had three cups before I found out what had happened. FML
Today, I got chewed out at work when my supervisor showed up, because my coworkers told my supervisor they couldn't find me for an hour and a half. Why couldn't they find me? Because they'd left to go get coffee. FML
Today, I woke up late for work. In my rush to make a quick cup of coffee, I forgot to put a mug under the machine. I came back a few minutes later to a kitchen counter flooded with coffee and had to clean it up, making me even later. To top it off, I was out of coffee. FML
Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML
Today, I learned a co-worker called and awoke my boss at 3 a.m. to complain that I'd been "rude" to him. All I'd done was make a disapproving face because he'd been drinking and he was slobbering drunk, and wanted to charge his purchase to his employee account, a definite no-no when not on the clock. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Coffee AND tea?!?! Quit screwing around and just go get some crystal meth!
gusgus36 5
oops! that sucks... you would think it would have been more obvious if it wasn't free. or maybe it is free and your boss is just coming up with more ways to wreck your day.. :(
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Comments (44)
trmntr 4
wow. and to think that people as clueless as dilberts pointyhaired boss really do exist!!
biass 0
What is this a refernce to?
Ali_Br_fml 33
he may be clueless, but I guess the ppl who left their coffee & tea were too. They didn't write their names on it, and didn't seem to have a problem with it (it wasn't reported, or written down on the tea/coffee "hey stop stealing my stuff) ... unless the victims decided to pit something into the coffee to make op sick or just for sweet/bitter revenge. who knows, maybe next time op will be saying, "I stole coffee, and now have explosive diarrhea..."
Ali_Br_fml 33
Aww crud I mean put, & it's in reference to him taking coffee that was brought in by others a d drinking it without wondering how it ever got there... though at my job, those things are provided free of charge...
biass 0
Thanks, but I was talking about comment 1. Who is Dilbert and his pointy haired boss?
valalvax 13
at practically any job they are provided free, I've never worked somewhere where they werent
Wirebiter 0
Dilbert is a comic/cartoon character.
suppressed08 2
Valalax isn't a teacher then.
hatepineapple 14
who doesn't know who dilbert is
guckylynn 19
Google... it's not that hard.
thecrazyasian 3
how the **** do u not know ur stealing someones coffee!?
valalvax 13
no, no, but I do go to college and steal the teachers coffee there
sexybitch92 0
I get free coffee at my work. I was also late today :)
Epilepsy_fml 0
Haha. I don't blame you, We all make mistakes. shoulda drinken some alcohol instead.
DocBastard 40
"shoulda drinken"?? Really? Surely you were having a seizure when you wrote this.
Epilepsy_fml 0
Haha. In english class actually. Hahahahahahaha. You're correct though. That was pretty bad.
6sick6 4
Doc, you're amazing. Just wanted to say that :)
DocBastard 40
6sicky- thanks. Just trying to make the FMLosphere a more enjoyable place to kill time. Epilepsy- you wrote that in English class? The irony is overwhelming. Do me a favor and show that comment to your teacher. Tell me what s/he thinks. :)
ifyouwereasheep 0
I hate people that correct peoples grammar over the Internet all the time. go **** yourself no one cares.
biass 0
Obviously a nice number of people do care if they take time to correct it. People like you are going to cause America to become sub-literate. P.s: The g in go should be upper case.
SeedlessMe 13
Hahaha nice one killa.. Absolutely agree :)
MissErikaHart 0
any1 seen the movie idiocracy..? u smart ppl r out #rd!! hahahahaha
purplecowchik 5
YDI for assuming it was free. It doesn't hurt to ask.
Bees_fml 0
I've *never* worked somewhere that didn't provide free coffee.
littlemissdqgirl 8
That's what you think;)
ImaginaryFoe 1
It seems like it would be obvious somehow. I mean, free coffee and tea would be a communal urn or something, right? Is there just a pot there you can use if you bring in your own beans/leaves? Who would leave their stuff in the common area then? BTW, why would you tell your boss, OP? "I felt bad after you yelled at me so I had to have coffee and tea to relax. Waah." Grow up.
SadinSherman 16
Lol at least he didn't fire you
caester9 0
Wow sir maybe go to Tim Hortons next time if you want coffee. They have a delicious variety of things to eat as well!!
UnicornsDoExist 0
Should be **** their lives, they've probably been wondering where their damn drinks are going.
KennKenn 0
Today, I got a cup of coffee at work. I went to use the bathroom first but my cup was gone. This isn't the first time this happened
perdix 31
Coffee AND tea?!?! Quit screwing around and just go get some crystal meth!
UnicornsDoExist 0
Lol.
pennies_lane 6
but when things are going REALLY bad, he hits the hot chocolate, and he hits it hard. When you see the marshmellows come out, it's time to worry.......
CloudEnvy 17
I imagine snorting hot chocolate to be quite painful.
marinus_fml 20
At least he wasn't eating you out, eh?
UnicornsDoExist 0
I'm sure OP would've enjoyed that.
sourgirl101 29
It's better to give than receive. .......yeah right!
fizzysmilesalot 0
awww D: well now u know..?
catstuff 0
lulz!
gusgus36 5
oops! that sucks... you would think it would have been more obvious if it wasn't free. or maybe it is free and your boss is just coming up with more ways to wreck your day.. :(
MaximilianMarche 0
are u always on here?
Igor_g5 0
Well if there isn't a sign saying it's free that should be obvious enough.
5t3ff1k4h 45
19 - She might be, but that also means you probably are, too. Otherwise you probably wouldn't notice who's online the most etc.