Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML
Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here." He saw her. She's his daughter. She's a new-hire… running HR. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML
Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML
Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
tipsypiink 0
hahah did the parents leave a nice tip after that? (;
RyanRaygun 0
Most kids are little *****. Don't feel bad.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (203)
peanutbutterfly 0
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA i have tears in my eyes.. and i read this five minutes ago
Tamora 0
lmfao! took me a miniut to get. what were the parents reactions?
Spiffy 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
blackdog_fml 0
it's funnier when you say it out loud
Phallus_fml 0
Mmmmmm... call me cuntie!
bbq45 0
get the kid and parents to read your FML then they'll understand, but then wed have to vote this to the other one :D
the_question_mar 0
AWWW YLS that happened to me, too!
catryn 0
That's a legitimate mistake everyone makes and I don't see how anyone could fault you.
Raine_Sage 0
If you ever get called on it, you should say something like "What? I just mixed up the words 'hon' and 'cutie'…is there something funny about that? Is it, like, some kind of bad word or something? Because I wouldn't know anything about that…"
writerchick11 0
Aww, cuntie, don't let it get to ya. I can't talk wortha crap.