Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML
Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here." He saw her. She's his daughter. She's a new-hire… running HR. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML
Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML
Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
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Top comments
tipsypiink 0
hahah did the parents leave a nice tip after that? (;
RyanRaygun 0
Most kids are little *****. Don't feel bad.
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Comments (203)
pikL3bOi 0
No ******* way ths happened I'm calling bullshit
kaytie1701 0
Hahahahahahah this is the first FML I've actually laughed at for ages LOL that's classic work :p
ThatOtherPerson 0
lmfao. one of the few funny fml's on here
Ray77_fml 0
Oh wow... I do that all the time... just not quite that bad... :D
jdizzle1245 0
wow i bet the little girl kicked your ass
tangerine_12 0
Yeah...I'm pretty sure the *little girl* doesn't know what "cuntie" means. Unless, of course, she's raised in a very messed up family. But seriously, that's so hilarious!! I couldn't stop laughing. There's no way this is bullshit.
legion13 0
Just like viva la bam when ape calls them all assies. Lol
faceplantation 2
i would die of embarrassment right there lol x
alexthedude 0
lmfao!! wow thats a great one. i love it. sorry tho but stikl gave a good laugh and helped cheer up my day. =|
HunterStockton 0
Don't give a shit if it's true of fake - that's the funniest FML I've ever read..... Literally made me spray the mouthful of water I was drinking over the computer screen!!!
dangletsbang21 0
hahaha, I wanna know what happened :( that's hilarious