Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend felt the need to ask me if I could get my ladder and clean the ceiling, because it looked dusty with a spiderweb in the corner. I didn’t realise I was so boring in bed that she had the time to examine the ceiling and plan my chore list. FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML
Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DameGreyWulf 1
He was TRYING to talk to her... that's why he asked... I mean, yeah, you can go "YEAH HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT BABY" during sex, so I hear, but that doesn't mean it's not a question. And he WAS concerned with how she was feeling, obviously, or he wouldn't say "I was trying to make my girl ******" Bitch should have responded and told him what she liked. FYL OP [edit] god damn it FML... This was aimed at 1.
always_his 2
I think that's FHL actually...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (63)
aJ09 0
be a man and make ur bitch cum, ******. cause of u chicks r turning into lesbians
Whatevers_clever 0
loool atleast you have style?
crazycontagious 0
This isn't a FML as much as it is a FAIL. On your part. Better luck next time.
Mimi22_fml 0
u don't know what ur doing, every girl gets bored at times but never when u first start
Intoxicunt 6
The people on here saying "YDI for having a small dick" probably have a combined IQ of 100. Simple fact: Some girls CANNOT ****** from certain sex acts. Some girls can only ****** from oral; some only from anal. So even if you're fantastic at what you're doing, if it's the wrong thing, it will fail. Also, OP, I don't feel sorry for you at all. Probably just her way of trying not to be blunt by saying, "Well, quite frankly, it's horrible and I'm bored stiff."
Shyman4ever 0
And the prize for international failure goes to you.
visage 0
L2Screw.... You obviously suck at it.
ericalew_xo 0
Honestly, I don't know why everyone is blaming the OP. He WAS asking her if she liked it. She is the mood killer here.
irockmyworld 0
maybe you need to watch more **** =D
Starchild21 3
yea cuz doin the real thing is so not worth it. wow
irockmyworld 0
i meant watch **** to improve his skills you dumbass. dont comment if u dont understand whats going on
caticaticati 3
Because **** is sooo realistic. Most of what is done in ****, I wouldn't really like done to me.
irockmyworld 0
then ure just weird. get over yourself.
caticaticati 3
I know a lot of girls who wouldn't want stuff in **** done to them... This is why guys fail at getting girls off. Because they don't ask the girls, they to go **** as a teacher.
shelboo_fml 0
"i meant watch **** to improve his skills you dumbass." Clearly, you're the "dumbass" here... Watching **** does NOT improve your "skills" And even if it did - She would have to go along with it. But it sounds like she'd rather play as a blow-up doll.
irockmyworld 0
yes it does. u learn a lot from watching ****. trust me most guys do use **** to pick up new moves or positions or just to watch and learn. stop being so ******* ignorant god u kids piss me off
WonderBlunder 0
Well, atleast she let you poke her even though she doesn't seem to enjoy it. And she didn't bother to fake ******. So your gf is definitely a keeper =)