Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML
Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML
Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML
Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML
Today, I got pulled over for the first time since I got my license. I have disorganized speech and occasional inappropriate emotional response. I began to laugh due to nervousness and when I tried to explain why, I was arrested because he thought I was high. FML
Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML
Today, I mistakenly texted my father in-law a photo of all my weed and all the joints I'd rolled. He’s also my boss. FML
Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
Today, I told the coworker who sits next to me that I don't smoke weed anymore, after she brought a spliff to work. I then got called into the directors' boardroom to receive a warning for smelling like marijuana at work. I was only allowed one more warning before they were due to fire me. FML
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Top comments
expectcriticism 13
well maybe next time you'll think twice before jeopardizing something important like that. there are so many ways to calm your nerves rather than smoking weed so you completely deserve this one
LickitungJr 8
... Yeah, you deserved it...
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Comments (148)
Earths_Venus 25
You're right about one thing. You're not a smart man.
insomniac8400 13
Hey man at least it wasn't before the trial
Soulsbane96_fml 11
Except that, you know, it was.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Are you, by any chance, stoned yourself?
Sandsh8rk 36
Screw Justin Bieber's deposition, your one will be much more entertaining to watch!
spignona84 11
I don't see any problem with this
onlychildFTW 34
Then in OPs own words, you're not a smart man.
jazzy_123 20
Right? what could be wrong about walking into a gov building while intoxicated? *rolls eyes*
noobienick 19
Then you might be blind.
HarrisonVR 17
seriously man so stupid.. I smoke weed and am no where near this moronic. people like you give stoners a bad name and image.
BecauseImAwesome 4
Only a stoner would say something like that.
Justy101 23
Stoners giver stoners a bad name
ABillOnFire 15
christ whats up with people on this site, it's all just politically correct bible thumping conservatives, weed's fine in moderation and so are a lot of other drugs, just don't be stupid and depend on them
HarrisonVR 17
agree with 117. you other two are extremely close minded. I actually study at university and have a job where I train other employees. shouldn't be so quick to judge, really do hate people on this site.
Just2cute2 7
A court is no place for any funny business.
PengiPou 12
Soon you'll meet your new boss, he'll be your cellmate; his name is bubba
someguy314159265 15
You are, indeed, not a smart man.
dyehardxen 19
"I smoked a joint" hold on, let me click YDI and finish this.
worldclassrager 41
Never do drugs rule of thumb
ABillOnFire 15
says the guy who describes himself as a satanist in his bio
blackonblight 33
and? What does a religion that is mostly about self empowerment if my fuzzy recollection is correct have to say that contradicts advice not to do drugs?
squideth 18
You obviously know nothing about satanism and what the religion stands for. You're just another media-brainwashed idiot who associates satanism with psychopathic virgin-sacrifices.