Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML
Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML
Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML
Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML
Today, I got pulled over for the first time since I got my license. I have disorganized speech and occasional inappropriate emotional response. I began to laugh due to nervousness and when I tried to explain why, I was arrested because he thought I was high. FML
Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML
Today, I mistakenly texted my father in-law a photo of all my weed and all the joints I'd rolled. He’s also my boss. FML
Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
Today, I told the coworker who sits next to me that I don't smoke weed anymore, after she brought a spliff to work. I then got called into the directors' boardroom to receive a warning for smelling like marijuana at work. I was only allowed one more warning before they were due to fire me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
expectcriticism 13
well maybe next time you'll think twice before jeopardizing something important like that. there are so many ways to calm your nerves rather than smoking weed so you completely deserve this one
LickitungJr 8
... Yeah, you deserved it...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (148)
teagstew17 8
Shoulda just had a toke from a one hitter buddy, I feel bad for ya but you really did deserve it…
maggiefox 25
You're right... You aren't a smart man. Should've just done it sober, it wouldn't have killed you.
darkfireflame 15
Yeah sorry dude, meditation, yoga, punching a bag, there's lots of other ways to relieve stress. YDI.
thew_fml 14
at least learn your dosage. it takes time for the high to hit - if you don;t want to get baked you need to stop before you feel any effect, and wait for it. take a hit, not a whole joint
amoblisk 1
How have you survived this long?
loserman67 36
"Not a smart man" - what an understatement - you're a dumbass!
juan3611 14
When you said you weren't a smart man you really meant it...
shinigami99 10
I'm in highschool, and I smoke alot before and after school, so my personality is pretty well known among my friends and classmates as "stoned" , but dude, court is pretty serious. I wouldn't even smoke the same day as court. Except maybe after to celebrate if it went well. But you kinda deserved it, I mean even if you can function, you probably still smell like pot and that place is crawling with cops
squarecircles 13
I don't understand ppl who smoke weed to calm their nerves. It only makes things worse.
syed121417 22
There is no way that this isn't your fault. Sorry, but why would it be a good idea to smoke before going on trial