Today, I got home from the hospital. Yesterday was my birthday, and I got a piece of steak caught in my lower esophagus, resulting in a trip to the ER and an overnight stay so they could put me under and fish it out. I’m not allowed meat for a month while they find out what caused it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family took me to a steak house. I went for an eight minute bathroom break, coming back to an empty table. They ordered dessert, and left me the bill. I'm a vegetarian, and it's my birthday. FML
Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I've had a massive pain in my throat. It went down for a while with antibiotics, but when it came back I had to go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. There was a 3 cm abscess growing in my throat. Happy birthday to me! FML
Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML
Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML
Today, I’m spending my 21st birthday in the hospital getting a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML
Today, I went to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The day before, I was too anxious to eat anything, so I went in with an empty stomach. There were complications during the extraction and now I'm not allowed to eat for the next 24 hours. FML
Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML
Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML
Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
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Top comments
evilplatypus 39
Ok, vegans and vegetarians annoy the hell out of me, but if you can’t refrain from meat for ONE MONTH, you might gave a problem.
RichardPencil 32
What kind of morons are you dealing with? You need to cut your meat into smaller pieces and chew it a little bit. Case closed...next!!!
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Comments (7)
evilplatypus 39
Ok, vegans and vegetarians annoy the hell out of me, but if you can’t refrain from meat for ONE MONTH, you might gave a problem.
Mathalamus 25
You do realize it's a substantial change in diet?
raven_of_azarath 35
If it’s so easy, then you do it.
RichardPencil 32
Looks like you got the gift of vegetarianism! Hope you got the gift receipt because I'd take that shit back right away!
RichardPencil 32
What kind of morons are you dealing with? You need to cut your meat into smaller pieces and chew it a little bit. Case closed...next!!!
guiltyschuldig49 12
They said an allergic reaction possibly to meat caused my esophagus to swell and that’s why it got stuck. Cutting into smaller pieces won’t prevent that from happening again.
guiltyschuldig49 12
OP here! I should probably clarify that they said I had an allergic reaction to a meat that caused my esophagus to swell and that’s why the steak got stuck. Can’t eat meat while they figure out which one it was. Which sucks as I’m a seafood lover.