Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer… until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML
Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started daydreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone came up to me and said, "Try not to be so obvious." Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML
Today, while waiting in line at Starbucks, the person behind me started venting about their breakup. I assumed they were on the phone with a friend, so I nodded along. After 5 minutes, I realized they were talking directly to me. I ended up giving relationship advice while holding a frappuccino I didn’t even order. FML
Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML
Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML
Today, I work at a hospice center. At 3AM, a call just went out to a man's family to come because he was dying. I didn't realize that this man was my old friend's grandpa. When I saw her, I smiled really big and said, "Hey! Great to see you!" Her grandpa was ACTIVELY DYING. Stupid stupid stupid. FML
Today, at work, I was making an appointment for an old lady who told me, "You look like a movie star!" I started to thank her when she followed up with, "Like that girl from the horror movie! Your black hair and pale skin makes you look scary! Oh, sorry…" with the coworker I hate the most sitting right next to me. FML
Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "He died" and walked off. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She then reminded me that I was at his funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML
Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glanced over and saw my brother's hot friend, who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then heard my mom say, "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the cute barista by pretending to know a lot about coffee. I said, “I’ll take a macchiato, extra creamy.” He smiled and said, “That’s… not a thing.” I panicked and said, “Neither is my love life.” FML
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Top comments
hannaaaahr 33
at least he called you beautiful?
illabye 0
Look on the bright side... You'll make a lovely corpse.
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Comments (184)
RedPillSucks 33
He's reenacting a scene from "final destination" You thought you cheated death when you switched from milk to creamer in your coffee because of your lactose intolerance. HA! Death is going to get you. Or maybe, it's like the scene from Heavy Metal "You die, she dies, everybody dies"
LittleGreenPaola 23
He was just talking about how ephemeral life is. But he'll probably die before you!
Brool_Story_Co 17
43-What is the Myan calendar? I've never heard of it before.
highway_unicorn7 5
46- I know... I was saying 2012 isn't going to happen... and theres proof.
torbey 23
I think a few people (clearly the person above anyway) have misread what I meant by my 2012 comment. I do not think everyone will die at the end of this year, never have, never will. I was merely stating that being worried about what some old guy said about you in a cafe is as ridiculous as being worried about 2012. k? So think for a sec before you call somebody you don't know a dumbass.
highway_unicorn7 5
Think about how you word it before you comment.
sophie22_fml 8
Everyone dies, it really doesn't matter if you're young or old, the thing is you can't live life worrying if today is going to be the day, it's pointless.
wsquah 4
He's going to break you
itsme1321 3
Yea, I completely understood torbey's original comment... Unicorn, maybe remove the horn from your ass & put it back on your head before coming on fml and taking out your random aggression on legit commenters ;)
TeamSwagg_fml 8
Thats umm.. Strange.