Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was running late for work and skipped breakfast. At a red light, I noticed a granola bar in my bag and so I took a bite, only to realize it was actually a dog treat I'd stuffed in there days ago. FML
Today, I got pulled over by a cop car. As I was fumbling for my license and registration, I handed the officer a half-empty bag of Doritos I’d forgotten was in my glove box. He thought I was trying to bribe him. FML
Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML
Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, I snuck a snack into a library study hall. One tiny crinkle of the wrapper and every head turned like I’d detonated a siren. I tried to nibble silently, misjudged the crunch, dropped the pack, and it performed an encore. The professor glared at me. FML
Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML
Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML
Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML
Today, I snuck out of work 2 hours early. As I was speeding away so I wouldn't be seen, I rear-ended my boss as he was leaving the lower parking lot for a late lunch. FML
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Top comments
klovemachine 24
It's just a candy bar. That's not worth getting a ticket for! YDI
IIRoxieII 12
Hahaha, WTF?
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Comments (142)
klovemachine 24
It's just a candy bar. That's not worth getting a ticket for! YDI
yahoowizard 16
Maybe it was a Klondike bar...then it would be worth it xD
wallandpiece 16
Why would a police officer care about your diet?
jerseyboy732 16
if only it was a chocolate donut. OP could have shared
FMLshark 12
Nobody else knows you're on a diet. Other people just assume you're eating a chocolate bar. Hide it like that and the cop will think you're gnawing away at a chocolate bar threaded with marijuana.
gojira666 7
How did the ticket taste you fat pig
MeeshaMeeshaPup 8
I still don't understand why OP panicked. It's not like the whole world knew they where cheating on their diet...
Inheritance 10
I'm curious to why OP thinks every one "know" she's on a diet
Pandacupcakelove 26
1- I read your comment with a very frustrated sponge bob's voice.
immaMonsta 8
#53 Yeah, nobody else could've known they where on a date. Unless OP has a stalker.
Big_Chives 7
More like its a candy bar, not worth taking someone's life!
Marcella1016 32
OP is a ******* moron.
Pandacupcakelove 26
90- I read your comment in a baby panda riding a plastic horse voice :3 No, I don't know what that sounds like :[
ganjaranja 10
No, it's not just candy. Chocolate kills, OP could have ran over a pedestrian, do not underestimate chocolate my friend.
untamed112 0
I'm sorry but that's really stupid
Boomshadow 3
Maybe the person posting is Gabriel Iglesias! ETA: Or not, since she self-identifies as female.
Pixie333 6
OP's expression upon seeing the police car was probably the same as 1's.
IIRoxieII 12
Hahaha, WTF?
zandalee 20
Did anyone else picture Bridget Jones doing this FML, or is it just me?
lopsop 12
I also pictured rosy odonnell
rocklare18 7
why would you picture rosie odonell doing anthing
xoconnie 8
LOL but eating the chocolate bar was worth the ticket right? :D
Albarufus 13
Aw hang in there!
ss_20_xx 14
How gay man.
Pandacupcakelove 26
44- Most people who feel the need to point out how gay everybody else is, is normally just confused about their own sexuality.
airforce987 20
60 - not really. Although it is wrong for him to just blatant say "that's gay", it doesn't mean he's gay himself. That's like saying someone is automatically of lower intelligence for calling someone a retard.
fat1239 4
Hes still gay
Pandacupcakelove 26
74- So, at what point did I say that 44 was gay?
The_Hitdude 12
80-He was referring to: "...is normally confused about their own sexuality."
Almighty_Chris97 6
44 - so you hate racists and people who discriminate in general, well maybe you should practice what you preach.
fallen_halo 4
Someone IS of lower intelligence if they call someone a retard, do you even know what a retard is?
Pandacupcakelove 26
83- Yeah Ok, but I never really said that 44 was gay, I just mentioned it so that they would stop writing such disrespectful and stupid comments. I would never use the word gay in a negative way, cause I don't see anything negative about it.
airforce987 20
83 - I'm just trying to say that calling someone gay doesn't make them confused about their sexuality. I can call someone gay and I'm pretty sure I remain straight. Saying that it does only makes you look stupid. Like I said, it was wrong of him to say that, but your wrong.
Pandacupcakelove 26
141- My wrong what?
Pandacupcakelove 26
And i never said that calling somebody gay makes you confused about your sexuality. My exact words were: "Most people who feel the need to point out how gay everybody else is, is normally just confused about their own sexuality." Most people does not mean everybody. And i can not find the sentence "Calling somebody gay makes you confused about your sexuality." in my comment. Sorry, YOU'RE wrong ;)
Albarufus 13
Woah I guess people thought my comment was rude since it got 30 dislikes. That was not my attention, I just wanted her to hang in there and reach her weight goal. Sorry if I offended anyone!
Pandacupcakelove 26
154- You didn't! People are just strange... I'm with you, my fellow scandinavian :)
tctheamazing 7
Why do you pity someone who has no self control, and who (possibly) endangered others lives while running that red light?
miss_booboo_8 0
To 170:Wow that was Bitchy(I get the danger for other lives part) but the whole self control thing,wow, I get where they both are coming from...the commenter was being sincere and u say dont pity him bc he has a problem wow that's pretty shitty js gtfo
iBanana 17
Well, from a logical standpoint, OP is the type of person who commits to engaging in risk behavior without meaning to. So, OP is kind of an idiot for what he/she did, but it's understandable. Police make us all nervous... I don't break the law to escape the law, though. STAY ON YOUR DIET AND THESE THINGS WOULDN'T HAPPEN.
OkAndroid87 4
Self control? It's a choc bar, not a crack pipe,.
YacL 15
OP isn't addicted to crack, they are trying to go on a diet.
EvilLilCupcake 10
175- calm yourself. Their comment wasn't THAT bad. Yours was actually a little more bitchy to be honest...
Roxxxxay 13
All this stress probably burned some extra calories though!
Mischief109 11
Or caused her to go home and eat more
Pandacupcakelove 26
If stress burned calories, I would be a super model.
ebonyirony 29
I read that in fluttershy's voice. And she WAS a super model! :)
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I AM a supermodel! Silly Ebony! ;)
hatesfate 6
Wow. That's a major fail. Let's hope you don't/haven't passed your genes on
spiff77 0
It must be fun being you :)
Thisismypchere 8
The amount of stupidity in this FML is quite extraordinary.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
FML Team: Everyday we're moderatin'
patrickalamo 48
Try the app myfitnesspal it's worked great for me in dropping the lbs.
juunebug 2
Me too!
KeyboardWarrior 10
Why does this sound like one of those dieting infomercials with the obviously angry before picture and the wonderfully happy after picture (that is also wearing makeup and has been digitally touched up greatly)...
whoisthisgirl 4
Ive used MFP for a month and a half and lost almost ten pounds :) I'd recommend it too!
Il_Maestro 6
73 - I'm assuming then that 8's picture is the before pic?
BradTheBrony 19
Also try brand name dropping and avoiding punctuation it makes you look like a tool. Brought to you by Nikes just do it.
curleyQ97 9
Thank you for reminding me to update mine!
melij99 5
The only logical thing to do.
anthonydude 9
I'm pretty sure no one would have known that you were cheating on your diet.
bryan21122112 4
This is exactly what I was thinking as I read the FML. Anyone say paranoid?
thephoenixlament 10
But didn't you know? If no one sees you eat it, the calories don't count!
sexbangit 13
Or, you know, care