Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said, "Have fun!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting "goo", which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML
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Top comments
Witchcraft_fml 5
Makes me wonder what morphine-addicts have up their bum. Though I'm trying not to think of it.
FerrariCake 2
If my doctor suggested I could have fun with gloves and laxatives, I would find a different doctor.
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Comments (101)
computerpete 3
I believe the part about the laxitive, but not about the rubber glove. if you have a solid intestinal obstruction the doctor would never expect you to reach in and remove it. You could damage your intestinal wall. After all, you can't even see what you're doing.
jchansfan 0
So did you have fun?
Emilyinroom483 7
Literally? -__-
perdix 31
Kinda like jalapenos.
MLSxxox 3
haha lol xxox
justmyluck1212 0
Uughhh man, I took a CNA class
nephelle 0
It's not fake, all serious type pain meds cause constipation. They should have told you that or been with the warnings info with the meds. And yes, laxatives are what's prescribed. Good luck with that.
notnilc 0
Did anybody consider that these laxatives were of the suppository variety? Hence the gloves....
drumhellermd 0
LMFAO about the "massive rock hard size of a bus" line!!!! HAAAHHAAAH!!! woooooo that's hysterical!!!
satanstoystore 0
happened to me on vicodin. i just drank a ton of warm water and told my body where it should go. works every time. i taught my kids that. our family doesnt have constipation issues.