Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said, "Have fun!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting "goo", which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML
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Top comments
Witchcraft_fml 5
Makes me wonder what morphine-addicts have up their bum. Though I'm trying not to think of it.
FerrariCake 2
If my doctor suggested I could have fun with gloves and laxatives, I would find a different doctor.
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Comments (101)
clockworkrainbow 3
It's a side effect of a crap ton (pun intended?) of pain killers. Morphine, Vicodin, Percocet... You get it. Fiber, fiber, stay hydrated, more fiber, and stool softeners will make life easier. I used to take Vicodin, thank goodness I never had any problems. The doctor should have told you about the side effects before they gave you any drugs. Your life sucks, bro.
cani_fml 0
What's the glove for?
ropeandneck 7
it was either a glove or hand soap. do you get it now ?
OreJen 0
My Dad has had 6 back surgeries. He was on morphine for a few years because of those surgeries. I am grown and out of the house. My Mom is a nurse. She tends to, um, overshare. One day she called me and during the course of our conversation she told me that not only was Dad constipated AGAIN, but that he was SO constipated that he "threw up fecal matter". So yes, it is true that Morphine can constipate you terribly, and the OP is lucky it wasn't worse.
chabz_fml 0
i feel sooo bad for your dad. thats gotta be like feeling like shit because you threw up times like five billion.
FarSide 23
maybe it was just her meatloaf...
ThaMC 0
I've gotta call fake on this one, since no one has done so yet. It just isn't an FML without someone calling fake, So I'll be the guy that does FAKE!!!!
hi5534 3
you sir, will be floating in his toilet then.
bosshaug 0
I noticed naked squirle hasn't said anything else haha
WonderJ 0
Ok, she is not an addict. People are prescribed painkillers all the time and with good reason. I'm 16, and have 3 shoulder reconstructions. Big, drilling into your bone and titanium screw reconstructions. Not entirely pleasant. Was prescribed morphine pills for 4 weeks. A person only needs to take those kinds of pain killers (Ie. codiene, morphine etc.) once to get constipation. If someone has a chronic illness or injury, they will get prescribed that sorta thing a lot. Stop judging, 'coz it actually happens.
CrazyManNo9 29
Had my shoulder done the same way. Drilled and tapped with titanium screws. I am the $60,000 man. (LOL) My problem was that the surgeon neglected to prescribe anything for me overnight at the hospital. I screamed in pain all night long. The floor doctor called me an addict because I wanted a pain killer.
Mrs_K910 0
Ugh, this happened to me... I was on a morphine drip for 3 days in the hospital. Got the worst stomach pain EVER (due to constipation) and eventually had to have an enema administered... Only problem was that the lovely nurse apparently didn't know the difference between me (113 lbs at the time) and a 250 lb person... The enema was for the latter... I went into uncontrollable convulsions, had to be injected with a sedative, then had the most disgusting diarrhea in my life for the next 8 hours, which slowly got better over the lapse of about a week. All of this happened in front of my now husband... We had been together for under a year. Aaahhh, good old times, lmao!!
kirafaye 0
I use (prescribed) morphine long term, while I don't have that problem I do make sure I have Coloxyl & Senna tablets just in case.
hotpinklovee 0
Yes, morphine does cause constipation. But your doctor would never ever give you a glove and encourage you to try to disimpact yourself. There's a nerve in your butt and if you stimulate it with your finger, for example, it could slow down your heart and possibly kill you. I'm not saying the whole post is fake, but that part is for sure.
FarSide 23
oh really? if this was true, then 1/2 of all fags would be dead...
Pastor_Rich 0
I'm a disabled vet and take vicodin regularly for pain and sometimes when I have to poo it feels like I'm having a baby back there
macarony_fml 0
House! sorry... i had to sucks for you tho =[