Today, while at work, I got a call. They left a voicemail. It was a 7 minute voicemail of the mattress squeaking and my mom screaming my dad's name. I am going to their house for supper tonight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to "Listen to this voicemail." I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty, followed by the bed springs bouncing for three minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML
Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML
Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML
Today, I woke up at 1:39 a.m. to my dad's phone going off, only to hear my parents having sex. It's now 2:12 a.m. and I can still hear them going at it. FML
Today, I went on a date, and halfway through I started getting nonstop calls from “Mom” on my phone. Annoyed, I silenced them. Later, I checked my voicemail. It was actually my mom calling from the ER because she had slipped and broken her ankle. FML
Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML
Today, I listened to a voicemail from my mom about how she misses me and can't wait to see me when I get back from vacation. Thinking she hung up, my mother then had a conversation with my aunt about how quiet the house is without me and how she'd be blessed if I didn't come home. FML
Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML
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Top comments
bigphill1333 0
Well I guess your moms a screamer and your dad has skills.
angel55033 12
play it back for them lol but WTF why did you listen to all 7 minutes that's just wrong
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Comments (149)
TheBestManEver 0
Well, at least now you have a conversation starter.
PSQ91 6
Akward.
carlosISBANNED 0
agreed ^
dudeitsdanny 10
Jim- ******* chill, dude. Does it make you feel good to call someone a bitch? Does it compensate for your tiny penis to correct them in such a rude manner? You're a ******* dick. Grow a pair and stop acting like a tough guy online, Dr. F***** The Dr. F***** part is because he probably looks like him and thats why he acts tough online, not actually calling him that name.
timskiii 0
consider yourself pwned Jim xD
OrginalOwen 0
Dude 74, get a life you little cockmaster. I hate fags who have nothing better to do then write uber long ****** comments.
876kenneth 0
I wonder why he listened for 7 minutes?? I bet that would make his parents wonder!
darkgeo 2
74- I love the way you tell him to chill but seem pretty pissed off yourself xD
BoCo_fml 9
I agree. I would play the message on speakerphone while at the table. The mortified looks on their faces would be absolutely priceless.
FML858 0
Jim got ownneeee ~!!!
the101dan 0
Only in Canada would it last just 7 minutes. lol. To the losers on here who love to ruin a JOKE by correcting it, I realize it really could have and probably did last longer.
Shurrshurr 0
His profile even states he comes from a non-English speaking background. Can u speak French AND German, as well as English?
capcom1116 0
you're tearing me apart, Lisa!
FYLorYDIohno 12
I would be traumatized!
luvdacowboys 0
do work danny, do work.
sandyandellie 5
"I know what u were doing this morning!"
bluntbeak 6
You're lying I never hit you! You're tearing me APART Lisa!!!
stevenmx86 8
Very true you can start with "so I hear dad is pretty good in bed?
thesunsetglow_fml 8
And apparently he's got stamina too!!
cmac86 24
double win!
picklezz123 5
lol wow that's awkward
JessieMongoose 11
Ew.
bigphill1333 0
Well I guess your moms a screamer and your dad has skills.
lacejane 0
FYL..I hope you recover from this soon :-)
A_Khalifa 0
Your so immature like grow up, it's not like she saw her parents having intercourse, she just heard the voicemail, she could have just deleted the vm after 10 seconds of screaming lol, ydi.
Hgielad_720 0
How is 6 immature? And also, how would anyone deserve that? OP probably didn't listen to the whole 7 minutes...
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Ya like omg your like so right
xLil_Mx 0
That's disturbing. What would be worse if somebody else heard the voice mail. 0.O
Fortuitous 0
Dick butt dial is the only explanation.
angel55033 12
play it back for them lol but WTF why did you listen to all 7 minutes that's just wrong
rgermain 0
I love your ink
Air_Force001 0
I love yay it's sexy
Maflagulator 1
Can't stand the ink...quite the turn-off. ...just sayin'.
mkat04 0
and like ur belly is any better?
shakethat 10
lmao @ 42. haha. so true
weirdo2013 0
ewwwwwww you have a nasty hairy belly as your display picture, and you have the nerve to say her tattoo is a turn-off?!
bh0p 0
Haha the hairy belly is...or at least I hope so O.O....a joke to the all the douches who always take a pic of their pack for profile pics. but nice tattoo. :p and OP...think you shoulda hung up after you heard his name da 1st time
ExtremeEncounter 32
Nowhere does it say she/ he listened to all 7 minutes. Idiots, everywhere.
Dez31396 0
woah.... I would forcably go deaf
BenD0VER 0
Is that your real pic? If so, I could plow that 'till next July xD
TaylorTotsYumm 10
The girl in his picture is Mr. Bean's daughter. I kid you not.
wes85 2
no it isn't it's Gemma Atkinson. no relation to Rowan Atkinson
gvelite 0
that is not a 40 yr old
littlexlion 4
At least they have some lust within their relationship. Good for them!