Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML
Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML
Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML
Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML
Today, I saw a man at the gym glancing at me. I went over and said, "Are you ogling me?" kind of low key flirtatiously. He said, "No, I'm working out. Don't flatter yourself." FML
Today, while at the waterpark, some guy came up to me and profusely thanked me for wearing a one-piece swimsuit. FML
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Top comments
Lillinette 2
you'd tap that. admit it.
ffmmllyaya 0
confidence ftw
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Comments (280)
rad65 0
i dont understand why people post FMLs for stuff like this all the time. YOU get to be 80 years old and tell me you wont find it hilarious to do that to young'uns. He's harmless enough, and was probably making a joke. The problem is, you see someone your grandpas age, and you immediately assume he's creepy, not just joking around (hint hint, old peopl ehave senses of humor as well).
Meathook 0
Someone get that guy a beer.
remfire 0
Hey try it, you might like it!
buggybeauty 0
you should be flattered
Thunderbender 2
Lol thats pretty funny. Your life isnt ****** in any way what so ever but still funny. Belongs more on MLIA than this site. Although if it was on mlia we wouldnt get these funny ass comments.
WallyTheWombat 0
I'm gonna do shit like this when I'm old. "Hey baby, you lookin for a sugardaddy? Theres some hard candy in it for ya ;) and some freedent for when you're done" And I can use all the cool old people lingo :D Kid = whippersnapper = youngin TV = the tele TV Remote = clicker Freezer = Ice box Then I can complain about my knees and hips not being what they used to be and use that as an excuse to go to the bathroom in my pants. "Hey baby, want some Adam West's penis?" -for you family guy fans :D
_Jibran_ 0
u kno u want to
datchickBhindU 0
hahaha
oh_danng 0
wallythewombat you seem to have put some thought in this hahah
fukthislife 0
knock out the man into the pool lol