Today, I blew past my neighbor in my building as he was trying to tell me something. I didn’t care, I was going on my first date since last weekend. It turns out he was reminding me that the fumigation starts tomorrow at 8 AM. The tent is now up and I’m homeless. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML
Today, I was on my couch when my landlord walked in. He asked what I was doing there. I responded with the same question. Apparently my roommate forgot to call me and tell me that our lease ended three days ago. I am now standing in the parking lot with all my belongings, and it is raining. FML
Today, I poured gas around my house for pest control. I can still smell it from inside. FML
Today, as I was walking out of my building that I have just moved into to walk my dog, a kind neighbour held the door open for us. Just as I walking walking though, I let out the loudest stinkiest fart in history (thanks fertility meds). I guess I’ll have too move out now… FML
Today, I spent an hour cleaning my apartment because I thought I had a date coming over. Right as they were supposed to arrive, they canceled because they “got too tired.” Now it’s just me, alone in a spotless apartment, watching a terrible documentary on Netflix. FML
Today, my roommate served me with a two-week’s notice to vacate the apartment, the day before I leave for 10 days of working in a completely different city 150 miles away. FML
Today, my husband and I are temporarily moved into a cheap apartment in town until settlement for the house we are buying. So far, from my balcony, I’ve a watched a drug deal take place and a man scratch at the ground then lick his hands. It’s going to be a long three weeks. FML
Today, I packed up to get ready to move to my boyfriend’s. I just graduated high school and I don’t get along with his mom, but I have no other choice of living. I was supposed to move in with his family tomorrow but now his mom won’t let me. It was last minute, and I’m basically homeless. FML
Today, I left my window open while practicing the saxophone. My drunk neighbours showed their appreciation for the music with a well-aimed firecracker that set my mattress on fire. My landlord has threatened to evict me as she thinks I set it off. FML
Today, while I was on a second date with this guy, my roommate tried calling me and I ignored her. After dinner my date brought me back to my apartment and there was a waterfall gushing down from the balcony above our apartment. The guys above us had started a fire and our apartment was flooded. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mike3775 39
So you were so desperate after only a week to ignore a neighbor trying to tell you something. YDI
Crowned Sataness 12
you're not homeless. you're just stuck for a few days. but YDI yourself for being that ridiculous after a week
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (7)
wrenavery90 12
I'm not understanding what the date has to do with anything. You would still be in the same situation.
mike3775 39
So you were so desperate after only a week to ignore a neighbor trying to tell you something. YDI
juggalo2 22
Probably hadn't had a full meal since the last date.
Thaylok 17
Remind = advance notice was given. Did the date last all night? (nice) just extend that date a few days.
slkeithh 14
first date since last weekend? oh, the agony...
Crowned Sataness 12
you're not homeless. you're just stuck for a few days. but YDI yourself for being that ridiculous after a week
BurnInDemonFire 39
That'll teach you to think with your head instead of your junk.
juggalo2 22
The joke is "think with the wrong head"