Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML
Today, while walking my dog, I saw a hot guy so I tried to look chill. My dog chose that exact moment to take an enormous dump. I didn’t have any bags. The dude stared while I pretended to check my phone until he walked off. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML
Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML
Today, I was at a food truck festival and I spotted a taco truck and eagerly ordered a spicy taco. As I took my first bite, the spice hit me like a freight train and I began to choke. In an effort to save myself, I dropped the taco into the lap of the guy sitting next to me. He looked up, lap splattered in salsa, and asked if I was having a stroke. FML
Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
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Top comments
GloriousWhorious 6
YDI for being overly flirty.
lopez1222 3
hahaha not cute...
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Comments (237)
scruffy_janitor5 1
you think biting a hot dog is sexy?
saIty 17
Should have licked the ketchup off your lap.
saIty 17
Oh shit double post.
saIty 17
Oh shit double post.
knights95 9
Double post all the way, woooooooo
saIty 17
Should have licked the ketchup off your lap.
indistructo 3
how do you bite cutely?
xXshadowrollerXx 6
Trying to pick up guys at Costco? Very classy. If you wanted attention, next time try BJ's.
grapisy 8
Booster Juice?
ryanst 7
No, he means the restaurant BJ's. Nothing is sexier than fresh-brewed root beer.
xXshadowrollerXx 6
The restaurant? I actually mean the store where you buy in bulk, similar to Costco's. BJ's = Berkley and Jensen.
danielshale 3
maybe he found that sexy..?
Crncj 0
highly doubt it
Tris1209 0
oh yes because biting a hot dog is SOOOOO cute.
Jesus_Christ69 0
no it's not thats why she tried so hard to make her seem like a decent girl at an amazing place.
EZ2XLR8 7
Seriously?? You can't get every guy, and not every guy wants you. You don't need to flirt at Costco. How will that benefit you life?? I've been married twice. I married the guys I didn't flirt with, yes it ended in divorce but for various other reasons, not because I didn't flirt. I just don't see the positives to flirting. I mean, yeah it can be cute sometimes, but I find it more annoying, and most of the time, the two don't even stay together or even get together for that matter. I've seen that in many friends and family. It's just cheesy to me. I can't say that you don't deserve it my dear. Just eat the hotdog next time... don't worry about the guy... there are many fish in the sea. If you have to look cute while you're eating... than you seem to lack the ability to be yourself. There is no shame in eating, we all do it to help us survive. Although, there are much worse things that could happen than getting ketchup all over yourself, just say that you wanted to try out a new look.
Mahkymahk 0
do you really think anyone is going to read all of this??
smurfsarwales 9
tl, dr ps I know I'm an asshole
jellitonoctopus 19
TL DR
Jesus_Christ69 0
yes trying to make eating a hotdog cute is dumb but hey what happened if she did make it look cute (somehow) and the guy comes over and starts talking to eachother. then they exchange numbers. then they go on a date . then 10 dates. then marriage and they live happily ever after all because of a Costco hotdog. and that is why you need a new outlook on life.
burninfate 0
english please woman, if you mean too long dont read. why not just comment instead of purposly being a jerk?
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
20- because really, does bitting a hotdog ever appear 'sexy' to you. Her idea was going down hill from the start.
EZ2XLR8 7
Wtf?? I have a boyfriend, I've been married twice, I have 4 sons ages 17, 14, 12, and 8. I have a pretty good outlook on life. Tell me something I don't know, I've lived long enough and seen enough to know about this stuff. My sons don't even flirt and my teenagers have girlfriends without it. Sure, it works for some people, I'm not saying it's wrong, I just don't see the point of it. Also, I did comment, do you know the definition of comment? A remark, observation, or criticism - A criticism or interpretation, often by implication or suggestion. Not everything has to be sexy you know... you're basically saying that you must be sexy when you eat, when we're humans... we eat food, she obviously was hungry, homeless people don't try and be sexy when they're hungry, they eat because they're simply hungry like all of us. Explain how my comment was being "a jerk"... because I don't see it as being a jerk when it's a personal opinion which I am entitled too.
friendswithstran 0
honey ... y are u married sooo many times??? and y soo many kids??? i reeccomend a severe dosse of marriage counceling
randomnameflob 0
tl;dr
sblylaw 0
me and my boyfriend flirt all the time, it makes things really fun sometimes. :) maybe your marriages failed because you were boring? give that a thought dr Phil.
ReynshineCutting 10
I have to agree that a relationship would be ridiculously boring without flirting. My fiancé flirt all the time still. It's a natural human behavior.
MissBunnyWillEat 11
223, I think you need a "dosse" of a spelling class.
krista2009 0
and talks way too much lol
gagaman_fml 0
I've done that, except in my case it was HIS hotdog I was choking on;)
skyeyez9 25
Boners, that's because you live in Poop, Antartica. There are no BJ stands in the costco store there, Just dancing penguins.
smurfsarwales 9
luv penguin 'dawgs nom nom
PhoenixIce 0
htf do you "cutely" eat something.