Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML
Today, while walking my dog, I saw a hot guy so I tried to look chill. My dog chose that exact moment to take an enormous dump. I didn’t have any bags. The dude stared while I pretended to check my phone until he walked off. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML
Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML
Today, I was at a food truck festival and I spotted a taco truck and eagerly ordered a spicy taco. As I took my first bite, the spice hit me like a freight train and I began to choke. In an effort to save myself, I dropped the taco into the lap of the guy sitting next to me. He looked up, lap splattered in salsa, and asked if I was having a stroke. FML
Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
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Top comments
GloriousWhorious 6
YDI for being overly flirty.
lopez1222 3
hahaha not cute...
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Comments (237)
Mahkymahk 0
smoooth
Crncj 0
very-_-
mintcar 10
YDI, YDI, YDI. That guy you tried so hard to impress wasn't even looking your way. He doesn't care. Way to go OP. Way to go.
Jesus_Christ69 0
well I feel like you could've made this comment a little less rude. but in a way I agree.
pandalover69 26
there is nothing sexy about biting into a hot dog
example947 0
he'll just think your gonna get all toothy...
sara_saturday 5
no one looks cute biting into a hot dog. shoulda gone for the deep throat angle
DaM_iM_sO_nY 2
some guys like it sloppy ... you should of still tried to talk to him
tpiper2852 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
haha karmas a bitch.
supermankisses 1
Karma doesn't collect for stupidity.
marinus_fml 20
It could have been worse. There could have been mayonnaise on the hotdog.
jasminea 0
haha true truee... do you take steroids? or is that natural?(: cause your muscles are ... big!!(:
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
or the hotdog itself could have flown halfway into her open zipper!
Awahso 25
I wish chicks would do that for me...
sammi3113 4
someone has a loner boner ;)
sammi3113 4
someone has a loner boner ;)
hellokeroppi 5
YDI for eating meat
mintcar 10
Oh here we go again....
marinus_fml 20
Isn't it funny how vegetarians hate it when we make fun of them for being too pussy to eat meat, they almost cry, and then they think they're toughshit when they knock us for eating meat. Get your head out of your ass mate.
smurfsarwales 9
^^wat he said meat ftw!! yeah vegetarians can suck it.
supermankisses 1
PETA called, they're offering to put you down free of charge.
smurfsarwales 9
wouldn't it be kind if ironic if PETA killed someone? after all, people are animals.
schmelia 10
33 - Bit of a generalisation... Most vegos I know aren't preacher types that spend their time telling everyone how much they hate meat eaters. There are just a few loud ones who give us a bad name. It's unfortunate that that stereotype often gets in the way of having a constructive, adult conversation about the way the world eats.
schmelia 10
Oh, and we're not 'too pussy' to eat meat - we are brave enough to look at the real practices of the modern meat and fishery industries and decide we don't want to be part of the massive environmental impact it is responsible for, nor the immeasurable suffering it creates. If I can live a happy, healthy life without harming others, why wouldn't I?
schmelia 10
Wow... 25 was just giving the reason for their YDI...
dreamering 16
Licking it is sexier.
Sirin_fml 47
No, #25 was trolling, and not even very subtly at that. Now stop whining and drink some water to wash down that pre-packaged troll-bait.
DocBastard 40
Schmelia, I'm fairly certain that questioning the mods' decision to moderate a comment is a quick way to get the Banhammer of Antioch shoved up your ass. Just a friendly reminder.
schmelia 10
Ah... Well, I feel sufficiently put-in-my-place.
ShockingShelby 0
way to go!