Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I'm also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. Fuck identity theft. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today. I worked my 10-hour shift and drove over 3 hours to the hotel that I'd reserved a room at for 3 nights. The hotel required ID to get a room with a bank or credit card. I realized I'd lost my state ID, they wouldn't accept my work photo ID, they won't let me pay cash… No ID, no room. FML
Today, I finally made it to my hotel in Florida, only to discover my boss was holidaying in the same hotel with her wife. So far I’ve run into them three times, at the pool, in the bar, and in the gym, and every time she ends up asking me work related questions. It's like I never left the office. FML
Today, I arrived at work, only to be arrested and accused of stealing over $8000 from my job. Five hours later at the police station, the discovery was made that the actual thief had an employee ID one digit different than mine. He works at another location over 1200 miles away. FML
Today, my purse was stolen. Too bad it had all of my money and my passport. My flight is tomorrow, and the embassy is closed until Monday. Guess who gets to stay in a foreign country with no money and no identification for the next three days. FML
Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I'd left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I'd left my phone on the hotel counter. FML
Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML
Today, I had to drive 300 miles to a town where I thought I'd forgotten my purse the night before. When I got to the hotel I had been staying at, I found out it was actually in the trunk of my car. FML
Today, I found that there were charges of almost 2,000 dollars on my bank account. Some asshole in Florida stole my money. I have bills and that was money I saved to buy myself a new car. FML
Today, my bag got stolen with all of my belongings at the beach. After being forced to ask strangers for money, I then travelled home on the train for an hour, wearing only a bikini. FML
Today, I had to dump my girlfriend because of tons of trust issues that kept reappearing. Shortly afterwards, my credit card disappeared and I got to experience my first identity theft. All within 24 hours. FML
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Top comments
webbface 25
Lol better go buy what you want now while you can still blame id theft!
Powerfull_fml 8
Report to the police immediately, as there are a lot of "five star services" in Miami, and some of them can put you in jail...
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Comments (62)
hessel 13
get over there and triple bitch slap the ************ with a round house kick
OnlyTheDarkest 17
How do you bitch slap someone with a kick?
rg350dx 29
What, what you got a problem with this? Maybe I should kick you in the face, with my fist.
TrueTriage 16
See 1 is so skillful he can do a triple bitch slap with a single kick breaking all forms of logic and barriers of possibility. And I guess he slaps with his foot...
uoeno_fml 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
B*tch slap that motherf*cker. C*nsor your words please
Slawter16 24
#33, this is FML, not Club Penguin.
lwonderful 11
That's the worst thing to do. You have no idea who this person is. Best thing to do is go to the police
LeFrogDog 27
#33 censor is a bad word? because you c*nsored it.
uoeno_fml 20
I'll see my self out. I thought some of you would catch my sarcasm due to the censoring that OP used
CrazyShytHappens 4
I love how people say something in seriousness and then when other people downvote them or call them out, they say, "Oh, it was sarcasm." Yeah right.
hessel 13
im not being sarcastic thats for sure. my comment may be downvoted but everybody wants that identity thief down. i was just saying what people were thinking
PinkieKeen 20
"triple bitch slap that ************ with a roundhouse kick" WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD
webbface 25
Lol better go buy what you want now while you can still blame id theft!
Wizardo 34
He can't buy anything, someone stole OP's ID and details and is draining OP's account.
Since1998 20
OP can still buy things... Identity theft isn't a block out of your identity, it's someone pretending to be you by using your information (credit card, social security number, name, etc) to buy things or get into places.
Shaved_Llamas 11
In order to do this OP could only buy things in Miami..
webbface 25
Sounds like the perfect time for a little vacation in Mami lol
Bevspeaks 11
Cancel all credit cards and make that bitch as miserable as possible then find them and **** THEM UP
kitkat2701 18
Love that movie! You better get to Miami fast and get them arrested!
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
Now's as good a time as any to go to Florida; while you're there, bring the identity thief to justice. Who knows, maybe someone will make a mediocre comedy film about your story.
rockstar362 8
Mediocre is far too much credit given IMO
LennyComa 39
Cancel All cards and report to the police, Job done
Since1998 20
And wait up to a year or longer...
Powerfull_fml 8
Report to the police immediately, as there are a lot of "five star services" in Miami, and some of them can put you in jail...
CarbonCoach 11
Police in the US don't do jack shit. They eat doughnuts and pretend to work as they're cruising in their cars. They don't care about you unless you're in the business class or higher. If you did report to them they would solve your case in a year and by then the thief would have fled.
Grand_Cookie 21
Evil twins, man. They're assholes.
andrewturtle 16
Oh really? I always though they were vaginas.
michaeljcaboose 7
In hindsight, perhaps you shouldn't have posted your social security number on the side of a rolling billboard for a Lifelock commercial.
OnlyTheDarkest 17
Look everyone it's a joke *Where???* Never mind.. It went over your heads.
allie2590 31
It sure went over mine.
OnlyTheDarkest 17
The man that runs the company LifeLock posted his SSN on the side of a rolling billboard as proof of how good his company is. His identity got stolen. Understand the irony now?
blackwidowtaco 31
Or the op probably didn't have that useful service & that's why this situation occurred.