Today, the couch I bought a week ago was delivered. I don't know which is worse: my son being the one to point out it's been "used", or that he used a black light to prove it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my new couch was delivered. As the delivery guys left, I came back into the living room and noticed a bad but familiar smell. I turned the couch cushions over to discover that my cat had already claimed it as her personal litter tray. The return policy doesn’t cover "cat defilement." FML
Today, my son got his furniture delivered: one massive, super comfy armchair for him, followed by the lowest, most angular, most uncomfortable sofa I’ve ever sat on. Turns out he did this on purpose so that guests can’t get comfy and are compelled to leave as quickly as possible. Introverted tool. FML
Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML
Today, the couch I ordered finally arrived. It was a long search and a little expensive but worth it for the extra comfort. It is perfect, except for the fact that it doesn't fit thought the staircase of my building. Now it's standing in the hallway because they won't take it back. FML
Today, my $1300 mattress that I bought for my new home was delivered. To my old house. FML
Today, my son got the last of his furniture delivered and finally moved into his first house. This boy has exactly one chair, a massive armchair pointed at the TV. When I asked him where the hell visitors are supposed to sit, he said that visitors generally won’t be welcome, even me. FML
Today, I found my 15-year-old son sleeping on the couch. I asked why, and he said he'd rented his room out to someone on Craigslist to make extra money, so he was getting used to sleeping in the living room instead. FML
Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML
Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped two of the cushions. FML
Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML
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Top comments
jw90 18
Well now you know. And you can send it back to get a new one.
SansVostro 7
Did they sell it as used or new?
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Comments (94)
CrissyyyS2 22
Well good thing your son found out before you got to use it!
challan 19
Sounds like a good place to work...
Dracoboxer357 36
12- Lmao! Yes, we all wish we could work somewhere that we could ********** on the merchandise! Dream job right there! ;)
Dracoboxer357 36
16- Well, maybe not the guy that sells high speed ventilation fans, the facial back splatter may discourage some... :p
perdix 31
#16 and #22, they say that talking to yourself in not necessarily a sign of mental illness. However, when you start arguing with yourself, . . .
Dracoboxer357 36
25- Don't interupt, I was winning!
perdix 31
#27, "to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time, and I'll be happy to see those nice, young men in their clean, white coats and they're coming to take me away, ha-ha!"
knotcool 15
On the bright side, you haven't sat on it yet...right?
Jemm_fml 29
We can't be that optimistic. Nobody buys a couch without sit-testing it first. :(
rosaaaa_fml 6
Maybe your son fell in love with the couch and tried to make beautiful couch babies, which went terribly wrong and now he blames the previous owners. Or he hated the couch and tried to get rid of it.
iammeorami 25
what did I just read
lilhellian 27
Humans + couch does not equal couch babies. It makes recliners duh!
SuperDanielNL 23
Try to contact the seller and confront him/her with this disgusting find. If that doesn't work, get some alcohol and sterilize/wash the stains out.
Jemm_fml 29
Don't tell me it was that "interview" couch from Craigslist...
Enslaved 38
Sounds like the delivery guys had a fun truck stop before heading to your home. Hope you sent it back. No discount price would be worth-- god knows what's on there!
Dracoboxer357 36
19- Well, the only two things I can think of that react under a Wood's lamp is Club Soda, and semen.....so.....you Could guess what it is, with at least a 50/50 shot at getting it right. You a betting girl? Then ignore it and have a seat. ;P
Enslaved 38
I wonder how true it is that semen shows up under a backlight. I know Vaseline does :P I'm getting different info trying to look it up. Almost tempted to go out and get a bulb at this very moment and do further research.
AshaaFerreira 22
#30 I know you can see blood and semen
Zebediabolical 45
Actually it's tonic water that reacts under UV light, not club soda. The quinine is what does it. There's a reason I love to order G&T's or Tequila Tonic in a bar, and the glowing drink is exactly why.
Ambient25 25
Sounds like you found the elusive "Casting" Couch!
perdix 31
It's no contest: Having your son discover that your "new" couch has been used as a cum-dumpster is worse. His use of the back light shows resourcefulness and that should make you proud. You are lucky that he doesn't know how to collect DNA samples to figure out how many different guys were in the gang-bang that happened on your "new" couch.
Googolman 29
A black light doesn't only find semen; it can detect blood and urine too, which I guess isn't much better.
Dracoboxer357 36
26- Yes, I definitely want the couch that's been pissed, bled, and not Just jizzed on, it sounds absolutely lovely. :P
perdix 31
#26, gosh, I hope my landlord doesn't read FML!!!
DarkHelmet 10
That's just nasty